January 26, 2008This Week in the World - Welcome feedback
A reader sent an email to me this week to let me know I had a typo on my sales page. But her email did much more than that. She also let me know which of my books she had, and how she and her husband put the information into practice. It was a wonderfully supportive email that added joy to my day.
It’s a part of life to let people know when they’ve crossed a boundary or made a mistake. It’s a gifted communicator who can do that in a way that lifts the listener up instead of taking them down. This week, focus on sweet strength - the kind of communication that informs the heart and the mind.
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- I’d Love to Hike Together if You’re Okay With Focusing on What I Want to Talk About Today
- This Week in the World ~ Poetry ~ Lessons from a feline love goddess and more.
- PowerPhrase ~ I’ll let that one go because I can tell how angry you are
- Poison Phrase: Consider the alternative
January 25, 2008Power Phrase: Can it wait?
Carla has found that the question:
- Can it wait?
works wonders for getting people to not interrupt her for minor issues when she’s under deadline on major ones. Usually it can. If it can’t, they tell her so and she takes care of it.
January 10, 2008Poison Phrase- Overused words
The public relations department at Michigan’s Lake Superior State University in Sault Ste. Marie targeted 19 affronts to the English language from over 2,000 submissions.
The list included “give back,” “a perfect storm,” and “throw under the bus.” I confess, my favorite was “x is the new y.” Let’s include, “fallacy is the new truth.”
Here’s an idea - let’s make truth the new truth.
At the risk of wearing the phrase out even more.
January 8, 2008This Week in the World: Doing what it takes
A 6-year old girl won tickets to a Hannah Montana concert by falsely claiming her father died in Iraq. The mother explained, “We did the essay and that’s what we did to win. We did whatever we could do to win.”
It’s amazing how easily some will “do what it takes” to get what they want. I suggest many of us do it in less blatant ways than this woman.
January 8, 2008The Week in the World: Caucus conversations
There were three things about last week’s Iowa caucuses that inspire me:
1. The people I know who caucused were engaged. They carefully considered the candidates and talked about it like what they decided matters. It does, but many people have grown cynical.
2. People with unusual names did well. Babynamesworld.com says unusual names handicap people, and some claim you can predict the winners by who has the most common names. But not this year in Iowa. That makes me think we’re opening up.
3. One of my favorite radio show hosts who was part of the television coverage had this to say. “One of the most fun things about covering the primary on the TV machine was watching how hard some of the pundits had to fight to maintain their cynicism.” She saw an unfamiliar glimmer of hope and authenticity.
Is it possible that change can be more than a slogan?
January 8, 2008PowerPhrase: The key of imagination
I was listening to The Twilight Zone intro and heard it as if it was the very first time. There was a sentence that struck me as beautiful and inspiring.
- You unlock this door with the key of imagination.
I’ve been writing about how to have reasonable dialogue, with a focus on political conversations. (I had hoped to announce the release of the book this week, but it will be another week. It will be worth the wait.)
To me, the locked door is the resistance we experience when we try to communicate things others don’t want to hear. When we’re up against a communication barrier, we often intensify what we did before that didn’t work. It’s easy to get frustrated and conclude, “It’s no use. We can’t talk about this. They’re hopeless.”
But there could be a way in – by using the key of imagination and trying new approaches.
Add some solid communication knowledge and techniques, and you might find yourself calmly discussing ideas you hadn’t considered.
Stay tuned for the release of my book: Unite and Concur: Stop arguing and start communicating about politics.
January 8, 2008Poison Phrase: You haven’t been here long enough to understand
My colleague Lee Beaumont has been a wonderful supporter and advisor for my new book Unite and Concur: Stop arguing and start communicating about politics. His knowledge of dialogue and logic is profound. Visit his website at: http://www.emotionalcompetency.com/
One of my pet poison phrase peeves is sarcasm. One of his is ad hominem arguments, or if you can’t attack the argument, attack the arguer.
An example is: if you offer a suggestion at work, instead of addressing the logic of your suggestion, someone responds,
-You haven’t been here long enough to understand how we operate.
The suggestion should be evaluated on its merits, not discredited by claiming the person offering the idea is unqualified to have an opinion.
I have a “no sarcasm rule.” Lee has a “no ad hominem attacks rule.” It makes discussions authentic.
Good communication practices have also made my dialogues with Lee very productive. He has corrected and/or improved hundreds of passages in my new book without triggering resistance in me.
January 8, 2008Ask Meryl: Relative rules
One of the team captains on my racquetball league bends the rules to his team’s advantage. He has a powerful position in the community and no one is willing to oppose him. He may be their boss in the future. I have spoken that it is imperative that we maintain the integrity of the league. That acting as if the rules do not apply not only reflects on the individual, team, and league but spills over into the professional spectrum. I was dismissed abruptly.
How would you handle this individual without jeopardizing your career? Or is it best just to move to a different league?
Meryl responds:
I agree with you, and yet this might be bigger than you are. Since you have spoken up clearly, rationally and logically and been dismissed, changing leagues might be your best option. Explain you want to be on a league that respects and enforces the rules evenly.
If everyone stood up, there wouldn’t be any risk to any individual speaking. But since it seems the majority are in collusion, it sounds to me like you need to find another league that hasn’t been hijacked.
The moral of this story is that what silent observer do does matter. You may have done all you can here.
January 8, 2008Reader success story: A healing dialogue
My boyfriend and I had an argument. We took a few days off before we met to discuss the issues. I wrote him a poem about wanting to talk with an open mind that listened to the guidance of an open heart.
I had pinpointed the four issues I wanted to address and told him I wanted to be able to work through those issues with him because the relationship was so important to me.
It was great. he loved my poem, And because I was trying to fix the problem and not just fix blame, helped us focus on solutions. It was fabulous. No poison phrases, just solutions.
