February 5, 2008Ask Meryl ~ A boss without boundaries
Meryl,
My boss has poor boundaries, and with all the modern technology this is causing conflict with our private lives. She will email material to a person’s home even if it is not an emergency or agreed upon venue. Most recently I had an unexpected email to my personal account on a holiday! She calls cell phones (or regular phones) in the evening or on the weekend. Her claim is that as professionals we don’t work just a 40 hour week. That is true, but I and my colleagues are feeling that this is not appropriate and in fact is intrusive. How can we talk about this? In the age of instant messaging, what is too much?
Meryl responds
Really good question. The answer depends on what you’re willing to risk. Also, if your boss has bad boundaries and you’re tolerating them, you have bad boundaries.
What would happen if you ignored your boss’ calls and emails?
I send my assistant stuff at all hours, but he understands that I almost never expect a response evenings or weekends. On the rare occasions that I do, I let him know. But since I work strange hours, it’s nice to be able to pass stuff on when it’s ready for him.
What boundaries would you like?
I’d say,
- I respect your ability to work all hours. To perform well when I’m here, I need to regenerate, but I also want to be available when you really need me. Let’s work out some way for you to let me know if something you send me is critical, and I’ll do what I can to meet your needs, even after hours. And if it’s not marked urgent, I’ll get to it as soon as I get to the office. Does that work?
Basically it seems like she’s doing this because it works for her – and if it stops working, she’ll stop. So you could try ignoring some calls and emails and if she asks about it later, say,
- Oh, I didn’t think it was urgent. I planned to get on it this morning.
Or, you could respond to those things by asking,
- When do you need this?
If it’s not urgent you can say,
- I’ll get on it Monday.
Again, it depends on what you’re willing to risk. I see some offices where a few people set boundaries effectively, and everyone else thinks they have to give the boss what she wants when she wants it.
I bet my readers have some suggestions to add.
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Being a PC support technician, I encounter people suffering in this kind of situation every day. Most people feel so insecure in their jobs they don’t think they can afford drawing a boundary between work-time and off-time, and I find that very sad. Even sadder, I encounter managers and executives who recognize and take advantage of this, milking it for all it is worth.
When I recently changed jobs to my new position, I took a moment to speak frankly with my new manager. I told him I understood I am a salaried associate, but I didn’t believe salaried equalled to 24-hour. Unless I am on call, or he instructs me otherwise, I turn my Blackberry off after working hours. I gave him both my home and personal cell telephone in case of an emergency (because, hey, stuff happens).
He understood me perfectly. He even said he appreciated my honesty and the clear line I draw between work and home. He promised, if I would respond when he truly needs me, he will only contact me in a real emergency.
DLPoff
Comment by DLPoff — February 7, 2008 @ 8:32 am
Are we afraid to train other people to do our jobs? I realize a lot of us think security is in being the only one who the business is capable of relying on. I think that is changing. I also feel that is the foundation to creating a prison cell for self. I share my education with coworkers and that leaves me free to be me and the supervisor with more resources he can call on when he needs them.
Comment by LaMoor — February 20, 2008 @ 6:57 am