February 5, 2008Ask Meryl ~ A boss without boundaries
Meryl,
My boss has poor boundaries, and with all the modern technology this is causing conflict with our private lives. She will email material to a person’s home even if it is not an emergency or agreed upon venue. Most recently I had an unexpected email to my personal account on a holiday! She calls cell phones (or regular phones) in the evening or on the weekend. Her claim is that as professionals we don’t work just a 40 hour week. That is true, but I and my colleagues are feeling that this is not appropriate and in fact is intrusive. How can we talk about this? In the age of instant messaging, what is too much?
Meryl responds
Really good question. The answer depends on what you’re willing to risk. Also, if your boss has bad boundaries and you’re tolerating them, you have bad boundaries.
What would happen if you ignored your boss’ calls and emails?
I send my assistant stuff at all hours, but he understands that I almost never expect a response evenings or weekends. On the rare occasions that I do, I let him know. But since I work strange hours, it’s nice to be able to pass stuff on when it’s ready for him.
What boundaries would you like?
I’d say,
- I respect your ability to work all hours. To perform well when I’m here, I need to regenerate, but I also want to be available when you really need me. Let’s work out some way for you to let me know if something you send me is critical, and I’ll do what I can to meet your needs, even after hours. And if it’s not marked urgent, I’ll get to it as soon as I get to the office. Does that work?
Basically it seems like she’s doing this because it works for her – and if it stops working, she’ll stop. So you could try ignoring some calls and emails and if she asks about it later, say,
- Oh, I didn’t think it was urgent. I planned to get on it this morning.
Or, you could respond to those things by asking,
- When do you need this?
If it’s not urgent you can say,
- I’ll get on it Monday.
Again, it depends on what you’re willing to risk. I see some offices where a few people set boundaries effectively, and everyone else thinks they have to give the boss what she wants when she wants it.
I bet my readers have some suggestions to add.
February 5, 2008Reader Success Story: Customer service clarity
I’m the Manager at a company that manufactures test equipment. I recently received a phone call from one of our “big” customers about a problem they were having with one of our products. While speaking with this gentlemen, I came to realize that the problem wasn’t with our product, instead it was with the actual customer. They wanted our product to do something that it wasn’t capable of doing. I explained this to the customer and he just wasn’t accepting my answer.
Since he wasn’t happy with my response, he then stated “Is there anyone else there that knows more about this product than you?” My response was “Sir, I am the Manager here and there is no other person here that can provide you with more support on this product than me”. His response was “You’re not helping me and I need to resolve this problem”. I then said “Sir, I’ve provided all the support that I can. I’ve been supporting our product and will continue supporting our product. Unfortunately, the product just doesn’t have the capabilities to support your needs. With the situation being how it is, how can we work together to solve this problem?” He then stated “I apologize for taking my frustrations out on you. I understand that this product will not meet my needs. Can I return this product and receive a full refund?”
Since we have a very flexible return policy here, the gentleman returned the product and received a full refund. Case closed.
February 4, 2008Poison Phrase ~ If you don’t like how I do it, do it yourself
Life is constant negotiation and (presumably) a cooperative experience. Living and or working with someone means sharing responsibility, and how we discharge our responsibilities affects others. That’s why it’s important to be able to give and receive feedback when how someone does their job doesn’t work so well for us.
I find it a bit disheartening when I people tell me they tell others,
- If you don’t like how I do it, do it yourself.
Yes, sometimes people have unrealistically high standards and that might be the ultimate solution. But if that approach is applied to broadly, the person with the highest standards will be doing all the work.
This phrase is an example of what I call in Unite and Concur, Absolute Thinking and false dichotomy. The implication is there are two choices – I do it my way or you do it.
This cooperative venture called life works much better if we expand our options and seek mutual benefit rather than limit the consideration to two win-lose choices, or in this case, two I win you lose choices.
February 4, 2008Tip of the Week: When you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
Have you ever noticed how people will sometimes hang themselves with their own words? That’s one reason to give people plenty of rope / room. Let them talk long enough and they will often make your case for you.
But on the other end of the discussion, when you’re the one who dug the hole, stop digging. Cut your losses and start a new game.
February 3, 2008This Week in the World: Standards of our own
Several months ago I was looking for some environmentally conscious funds to invest in, so I asked a friend who works at a very high level as an environmental advocate to recommend some to me. I was surprised when it took months for him to get the information since I figured he’d just have to review his own investment portfolio. So after a couple months I asked what he invested in. I was shocked when he listed several corporations that have abysmal environmental records.
He later told me he was kidding. But I felt distressed in the hours when I thought that this representative of the environmental movement invested in companies with bad environmental records. I thought – “Am I the only one who wants to invest in things I believe in? Am I a fool for limiting myself to companies that meet my criteria?” I was relieved to know my friend was joking.
I’ve created suggested standards for Responsible Communication, which I present in this poster. http://www.speakstrong.com/store/#soc But the best standards are the ones that you know in your heart are right. If you miss some opportunities because your standards are high, you haven’t missed anything.
