March 28, 2008Reader Success Story ~ Comfortable termination
I am a member of a non-profit agency’s board of directors. As a board, we recently faced the unpleasant reality of having to terminate the agency’s executive director. And, since I am viewed as the tough-minded, thick-skinned member of the board, I was “elected” to be the bearer of bad news (at least, from the director’s point of view, it was bad news).
Nobody expected the termination meeting to go well. However, I consulted the Perfect Phrases for Termination section of your book “Perfect Phrases for Managers and Supervisors” and followed your excellent advice, nearly to the letter. And, you guessed it, the meeting went better than everyone expected.
I simply stated that the board had come to a decision to move the shelter in a new direction and that the director’s services would no longer be required, effective immediately. I thanked her for her years of service and requested that she remove her personal belongings. I also made it clear that the matter was not open to further discussion or argument. Understandably, she was upset, but not openly emotional or argumentative. We then adjourned the meeting…quick, clean, and everybody’s dignity was preserved.
Now, our agency is headed in a new, more positive direction. The toxic environment of the work place is greatly improved. And, the public served by the agency has already noticed the numerous changes taking place.
Thank you, Meryl, for all your good work. You have made my life easier and have assisted our agency in becoming a more respected force in our community.
March 28, 2008Power Phrase ~ I’m not in a postiion to give you advice on that
Some hairdressers like getting involved in the intimate details of their clients’ lives and some don’t. Russo is one who doesn’t. When people ask for advice, he’ll say,
- I’m not in a position to give you advice on that.
or:
- That’s a question for a different kind of professional.
Russo says, “If they get their feelings hurt, it’s the kind of relationship I don’t want anyway.”
Boundaries help us create the kind of life we want, full of people who want the same kinds of relationships we want.
March 28, 2008Power Phrase ~ You don’t get to yell at me
Have you ever tried to open a car door as someone was unlocking it electronically, just to have it stay locked? Misty and Stan had one of those exchanges. When the dynamic continued, Stan became angry and started yelling at Misty. Misty said,
- You don’t get to yell at me.
In all relationships, it’s important to set our own standards of what we will tolerate.
March 28, 2008Poison Phrase ~ I’m raking Stephen Pierce over the coals tonight
The subject line of an email I received was:
- I’m raking Stephen Pierce over the coals tonight.
It was a promo for a telephone seminar where one internet marketer interviews another one. The implication is that the interviewer has to be tough to get the “real” info, and that an aggressive violent approach is the one that will work best.
I didn’t attend the telephone seminar, but I suspect the aggressive headline was mostly marketing.
I prefer marketing phrases that don’t suggest you have to beat information out of people.
March 27, 2008Success Story ~ Speaking up more
I just want to let you know that the best part of Speaking Strong is being able to speak when I would normally be quiet. I have the confidence that in a situation I can speak up, and even if it does not work out quite right, I believe it is better than being quiet. The real power of it is, in spite of my reticence, most times it works out well.
March 27, 2008Ask Meryl ~ Boss is absent
Meryl,
My boss never calls or emails to see how things are going. We are in separate buildings, but it is like I don’t exist. I am left out of several important meetings, but it just doesn’t matter. I have been trying my best to communicate with her, but I feel like it does not help. I was suppose to go to a Law seminar last year, but she made excuses that it was too far away. Most of the department has already gone to the seminar. This year it is the same excuse. I took on a lot more work this year and my raise didn’t change at all from the prior year. I felt like I should of been given something for taking on the new responsibilities. Please help, I have been at my company for 14 yrs. I don’t want to leave, but I don’t see plans for me ever getting promoted! What should I do?
Meryl says,
Say,
- I was left out of meeting X, and the effect is… (details of how it cost in terms of efficiency.) Since this has happened before, I’d like for us to work together to keep me in the loop. I suggest a two minute daily check-in until I get on your radar and once a week after I am.
Then, go in with quick updates on what you’re up to and ask:
You also could ask her,
Request a meeting about your career path. Say,
Consider other jobs to create options. If you have alternatives, it will give you more courage to ask for what you want. I understand not wanting to leave after fourteen years, but it never hurts to see what options you have.
March 27, 2008Poison Phrase ~ You failed to include…
I love my readers. They point out my typos and errors in such gracious ways it almost makes me want to make deliberate errors to invite more.
Sometimes we’re not that lucky. Sometimes people use poison phrases like:
You failed to include
The “you” language points blame, and the word “failed” is a dramatic absolute word that demoralizes.
March 27, 2008Power Phrase ~ I can understand that
When I mediate conflict, I listen for the one thing each person needs acknowledgment for before they can really hear the other – and I almost always find one. Once that is acknowledged, they can start hearing each other.
- I can understand that
March 27, 2008This Week in the World ~ Top of the World
I learned the lyrics for the old Carpenter’s song Top of the World this week because they beautifully describe me these days. The Carpenter’s song is about new love – my song is about love renewed and revitalized. Our retreat (next post) worked magic. But the reality is, love isn’t something that just happens to you. It’s something that you nurture and stand up for. Watch for a new site, www.SpeakStronginlove.com in the weeks or months to come.
When I woke, I thought I had had one of the old rejection dreams that I used to dream regularly. I was surprised since I hadn’t had one of those dreams in years. On reflection I decided my dream was more recent. I was bursting at the seams with joy and finding a distinct lack of interest among many – but not all – others in my life.
Whatever you do, find a home for your enthusiasm. Yes, listen to nay-sayers, because they can provide useful information. They can warn you when you’re about to fly into a wall. They can give you ground you stand on when you take flight.
March 27, 2008This Week in the World ~ Creativity for Peace
My husband and I took a retreat this week and stayed at a place called Creativity for Peace. One of the things they do is host Israeli and Palestinian teens so they can get to know each other as teens. (An Indian Yogi, Shri Shri Ravi Shankar does the same thing in India.)
