April 29, 2008PowerPhrase ~ I’ve got a lot to tell you at the meeting
TV shows and newscasts use teasers – short introductions to upcoming segments to create anticipation. So why not use teasers for other areas of life? Why not create anticipation for that meal you’re creating, that date you and your spouse planned or a gathering you’re looking forward to? If you do, by the time the event happens, people will be primed to enjoy it.
You can even use teasers for meetings. For example, say.
- I’ve got a lot to tell you at the meeting.
- I’m looking forward to us catching up on events at the meeting tomorrow.
- I’ve been preparing for our meeting tomorrow and I’m looking forward to it.
Do that, and see if it doesn’t make for a more interesting meeting.
It certainly works for dates.
April 29, 2008This Week in the World ~ Who do you feed?
In PowerPhrases and on my website, I talk about the importance of “feeding” your higher nature and “starving” your lower nature. We all fall into small-mindedness at times, but the important question isn’t whether we ever think and feel negative, but what we do about it when we do.
In my recent travels, I met a lot of people who feed their higher nature, and one stands out in particular. But before I tell you about him, I’ll tell you about a couple of people I met who fed negativity.
One complained at an airport gate that we were boarding late, even though we had a light load and were able to leave on time. Another got on the phone when we landed to complain to someone about how Delta was always late and he would probably miss his connection. I looked at my watch, and noticed we were 8 minutes early.
I found it interesting that these people felt a need to feed misery over nothing. I found it inspiring that after I arrived at my destination, I met someone who fed joy. I took a cab with an African immigrant driver. What a contrast. This man (once prodded) told me the tale of how he had left his country when he was 16 due to civil war. He had no idea whether the rest of his family was dead or alive. My joyful driver had nothing to complain about.
Listen to people this week to notice if they feed their higher nature or their lower nature. And in particular, pay attention to what your thoughts and words feed.
April 29, 2008Poison Phrase ~ Pain Killer
The recent discussion about the word “termination” for ending employment heightened my sensitivity to militant terminology in our every day language. Which is why I heard the term “pain killer” with new ears today. The expression suggests aggression, but in fact, most “pain killers” are really pain blockers, and the best ones treat the pain by treating the source of pain.
If you consider pain to be a warning sign, the term “pain killer” could be analogous to “smoke-alarm destroyer.”
Does the term “pain killer” reflect our culture tendency toward aggression over working to resolve the source of our problems? I think it does.
April 23, 2008PowerPhrase ~ thanks for responding
Carla emailed a question to a vendor about a product. The vendor didn’t offer the product but took the time to respond with an informative email.
For most, that would be the exchange. But Carla took the time to reply,
- Thanks for taking the time to respond. Your response was quite useful.
Too often we forget the last step – letting people know we appreciate the time they take to help us.
April 23, 2008Reader Question ~ terribly busy
Meryl,
What can I say to a co-worker (management) whose normal response to inquiries is to begin by saying “how terribly busy she is”?
Meryl Responds:
- When you tell me how terribly busy you are, it signals to me that I am imposing on you by making an inquiry. Is that your intent?
I do try to avoid unnecessary interruptions; however, I’d like to feel free to ask for things I need without getting the impression that I am imposing on you.
April 11, 2008This Week in the World ~ Disagreeing disagreeably
Last week I received an angry email from someone who took issue with points I made in a press release. While her focus struck me a tangential to my main point, she did have some valid observations. What made the dialogue difficult was that instead of politely pointing out what she considered to be inaccuracies, she drew sweeping conclusions about me and my integrity. Here is one such remark.
- I guess it further proves the old adage about those who can, do, while those who can’t, teach.
While I did manage to soften the tone of the dialogue, it struck me how much her tone inhibited what I was willing to share with her. I had back channel information I thought she might appreciate, but since she wasn’t cutting me any slack and interpreted my remarks in the worst possible light, I was unwilling to extend myself as I would have had she been more gracious in her observations.
Grace makes all the difference. Today I got a call from someone who automatically gave me the benefit of the doubt. It was a speaker’s bureau representative who had been told that I didn’t seem to know I was presenting for them on Monday. She opened the conversation by saying,
- I’m sure there’s a miscommunication here.
We laughed about the misunderstanding. It’s so much nicer to communicate with people who assume innocence until you’re proven guilty.
My email critic accused me of not practicing what I preach. She was wrong on that point. I do practice it. I just don’t always perfect it, and sometimes I don’t practice very well.
Knowing that I live and breathe this stuff and still make errors, I don’t expect others to “get it right” either. But I sure appreciate it when they try. I love my readers. Most of you really do try, and I thank you for that.
April 11, 2008PowerPhrase ~ Can we change the tone of our conversation?
Lynda and Karen were having a disagreement, and it seemed to Lynda that Karen was examining her words with a microscope to argue with what seemed tangential to Lynda.
Lynda said,
- Can we change the tone here? I’m not trying to be contentious. I’m trying to figure out what’s going on. I agree that my word choice isn’t always perfect. Can you accept the idea that I’m trying to work with you, not against you?
Lynda’s words worked.
April 11, 2008Reader Question ~ Knows it all already
We have a new girl in the office who is supposed to be training with me and our other co-worker. Whenever I’m trying to show her around the processes and applications, she interrupts to tell me how she did things before, and prefaces almost every statement with this dart: “You must realize….” Or “You need to understand…” or some variation of that and proceeds to tell me how she would do it! While having some level of assertiveness on her part could be a good asset, her assertiveness is excessively bold at this stage of the game. I want to just crawl out of my skin every time!!!! It’s absolutely making me nuts! I’m unaware if she does this with our co-worker and haven’t asked.
One time when I was sharing a particular situation I was dealing with, she interrupts me to tell me how I should handle it!! EXCUSE ME? She’d been with us all of 2 weeks! Looking her square in the eyes, I said, “I know how I plan to handle it!” and shut down from there. I shocked myself that I actually spoke. Typically, I’m the peace-maker and intimidated one. I’m finding myself reacting and feeling in ways I didn’t know I had in me – ways I thought I’d grown way past! Apparently not.
Do you have any suggestions on how to stop those darts or redirecting them back? I’m afraid I’m going to bop her on the head one of these days! J. And then I’ll be escorted from the premises…
Meryl Responds: Begin with acknowledging the upside of the trait and move on to suggesting how she can apply it more effectively.
Say:
- (Name,) I’m really impressed that you have so much experience and so many ideas about how to do things. Sometimes you tell me how you used to do things (how you would do things) before I’ve finished explaining how we do things here. I’d love to hear your ideas after it’s clear that you understand what we do here and why. Could you direct your comments to understanding how we do things while I’m explaining them, and offer ideas only after you’re sure you understand them?
She might be trying to prove her usefulness being new – or she might be a chronic advice giver. (I am afflicted with that, which is why I do it for a living.) Either way, take the approach of guiding her in using her experience and critical thinking skills in a way that is an asset to you instead of as something that is a problem altogether.
April 10, 2008PowerPhrase ~ If I don’t hear back from you by… I’ll call you
People get busy, so if you are depending on someone for something, it’s good to maintain some control of the communication. That’s why it’s often prudent to maintain some control in the next point of contact. A good way to do that is to say,
- If I don’t hear back from you by…I’ll call you.
April 9, 2008This Week in the World ~ Arguing in defense of vulgarity
I don’t get it. How can anyone argue in favor of calling female politicians vulgar names including the one that starts with F. W.? Yet when Air America Radio suspended host Randi Rhodes for a vicious gender slur against Hillary Clinton and Geraldine Ferraro, many people complained. Read about it in my Unite and Concur blog.
