April 11, 2008Reader Question ~ Knows it all already
We have a new girl in the office who is supposed to be training with me and our other co-worker. Whenever I’m trying to show her around the processes and applications, she interrupts to tell me how she did things before, and prefaces almost every statement with this dart: “You must realize….” Or “You need to understand…” or some variation of that and proceeds to tell me how she would do it! While having some level of assertiveness on her part could be a good asset, her assertiveness is excessively bold at this stage of the game. I want to just crawl out of my skin every time!!!! It’s absolutely making me nuts! I’m unaware if she does this with our co-worker and haven’t asked.
One time when I was sharing a particular situation I was dealing with, she interrupts me to tell me how I should handle it!! EXCUSE ME? She’d been with us all of 2 weeks! Looking her square in the eyes, I said, “I know how I plan to handle it!” and shut down from there. I shocked myself that I actually spoke. Typically, I’m the peace-maker and intimidated one. I’m finding myself reacting and feeling in ways I didn’t know I had in me – ways I thought I’d grown way past! Apparently not.
Do you have any suggestions on how to stop those darts or redirecting them back? I’m afraid I’m going to bop her on the head one of these days! J. And then I’ll be escorted from the premises…
Meryl Responds: Begin with acknowledging the upside of the trait and move on to suggesting how she can apply it more effectively.
Say:
- (Name,) I’m really impressed that you have so much experience and so many ideas about how to do things. Sometimes you tell me how you used to do things (how you would do things) before I’ve finished explaining how we do things here. I’d love to hear your ideas after it’s clear that you understand what we do here and why. Could you direct your comments to understanding how we do things while I’m explaining them, and offer ideas only after you’re sure you understand them?
She might be trying to prove her usefulness being new – or she might be a chronic advice giver. (I am afflicted with that, which is why I do it for a living.) Either way, take the approach of guiding her in using her experience and critical thinking skills in a way that is an asset to you instead of as something that is a problem altogether.
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