May 26, 2008This Week in the World ~ Choosing the most effective way to communicate
I recently installed Skype and was surprised to find my son on the list of available contacts. I was even more surprised to discover that my son is far more responsive when I Skype-chat him than if I call or email him. We’ve been enjoying a stream of exchanges since I went Skype. It’s a great reminder of how important it is to communicate with people according to their preferences.
There are times to bypass preferences, however. I’ve recently become aware how much intimacy and contact I miss by my own default preference for email as a means to communicate. This will surprise many of you – particularly those who have heard me speak on stage – but I am basically shy. Because of this, I would automatically shoot off an email when a phone call would be a more personal, effective and more rewarding way of communicating.
But not any more. My new policy is, when I start an email I’ll ask myself if it makes more sense to pick up the phone and call.
It usually is – and when I do, it’s far more satisfying.
By the way, if you haven’t read any of my articles on powerful emails, you can access them here.
May 26, 2008The PowerPhrase of the Week ~ Squeak
Joe promised to review Mary’s marketing plan, but it seemed to slip off his priority list. Mary understood he was busy, so after several reminders followed by waiting periods, she sent him an email titled:
- Squeak
The body said:
- I heard the squeaky wheel gets the oil so I decided to try squeaking at you. Can I get your comments in the next week or so?
She got his comments the same day.
People are busy these days, and that means you often need to ask for things more than once. Mary’s squeaking was a playful but pointed request that got the attention she sought.
May 22, 2008PowerPhrase~Turn your cell phone off unless it’s your birthday
This is a tip from Ross Lasley. (The internet educator.)
At the beginning of a presentation, he asks audience members to turn their cell phones off “unless it’s your birthday.” He lets them know that when their phone rings, everyone will join in singing “Happy Birthday to you.”
It turns a request into a playful thing.
May 22, 2008Poison Phrase ~ You can’t tell anyone this
Debbie is often divisive in her communication. Bryce knows that, so as soon as Debbie brought up their coworker and said,
- You can’t tell anyone this,
Bryce cut her off. He knew she was ready to bad-mouth their colleague, and he said,
I won’t agree to that. This is a road to nowhere that I want to go. The three of us need to be completely open, and I won’t agree to secrets.
Bryce’s boundaries were very clear.
May 22, 2008Ask Meryl ~ References
Hi Meryl,
Normally when someone wants to use me as a reference he/she asks my permission first. Recently someone told me she used me as a reference and I was dumbfounded.
Although she is a nice person I’ve had problems with her not keeping her word and being irresponsible. It wouldn’t be such an issue except for the fact that I am close with her parents and don’t want to cause any problems (although they are aware of the above issues in their own dealings with her). I was wondering if you could suggest a way for me to let her know in a kind way that I don’t want to be used as a reference.
Meryl Responds,
You could say,
- There have been times when you haven’t kept your word with me. I don’t know if that’s your usual MO, but if someone calling for a reference were to ask me about your reliability, I would have to tell the truth based on my own experience. You need to know that if you use me as a reference.
I believe being truthful is the kindest way, because she needs to know why you’re reluctant.
If you prefer to be more general, you can say,
- I’m very conservative about who I give references to. I need to be familiar with their work and able to assure the employer the candidate would be a really good choice for the position. I don’t know enough about your work to be able to do that, so I don’t want to be a reference for you.
I hope this helps.
May 20, 2008Poison Phrase ~ Feel better?
Joe listened to Marla’s concerns about a new policy. When she finished, he responded by asking,
- Do you feel better now?
Joe’s comment implied that the only purpose in Marla’s discussion was to relieve emotional pressure. It was dismissive of the substance.
Often listening alone can relieve emotional pressure, and sometimes no further action needs to be taken. But to listen and imply that a policy discussion was all about emotional venting is dismissive.
May 20, 2008Success story ~ Here are the improvements we’ve seen
The reader wrote:
As a health consultant, I notice that clients often overlook the improvements they’ve seen. I find it useful to review all their initial complaints and point out improvements they’ve made. I credit them with the changes they’ve made before we discuss what work remains.
What a difference that makes. It keeps them moving forward and inspires them to continue on the path to great health.
May 20, 2008PowerPhrase ~ Let me finish my sentance because I’d like your input on this.
When Thom couldn’t make his point without interruption, he said,
- Let me finish my sentence because I’d like your input on this.
The person complied.
May 19, 2008Ask Meryl ~ Just an excuse
Meryl, I’m looking for a response to the statement “That’s just an excuse.” If I’m asked why something happened (or didn’t), I usually reply with what I believe are the facts. Every so often, and usually by the same individual, I get the reply “that’s just an excuse” or “don’t give me an excuse.” It makes me wonder if he’s really asking me to answer the question literally, or if he wants me to say something else entirely. Any thoughts?
Meryl responds: When I explain a mistake, delay or other event, I sometimes say,
- This is a reason, not an excuse.
A longer version would be:
- I just replied with my best accounting of the facts. Why would you dismiss my explanation as an excuse? Are you suggesting that I am trying to cover my tail?
Or:
- Actually, if I was trying to make excuses, I would say x,y and z. I was attempting to give you the best answer to your question that I could.
Of course, you do need to be sure you’re not making excuses for it to be effective.
May 15, 2008This Week in the World ~ For the love of…people, work, ideas…
A friend apologized to me for talking so much about how wonderful his new sweetheart is. I enjoyed hearing him sing her praises. He was talking about one of my favorite things. He was talking about love.
It’s inspiring to hear anyone talk about the people, projects and things that are close to their hearts. Sweethearts, kids, dogs, cats, communities, books, knowledge, principles, causes – anything that sets people on fire can light a fire in you too, if you listen. Take inspiration from other’s inspiration.
When I travel to speak to Meeting Professionals International groups, people who work in the various Visitor and Conventions Bureaus are often the ones to show me around. It’s always clear how much they love their cities.
My son likes to show me his new web designs. His creations light him up.
A friend told me about her new brand for her business. She bubbled with joy about her ideas.
My love-smitten friend gave a gift when he shared the sweetness in his heart for his new lady. We all give a gift when let the light of our love shine. Love has many faces – including business ones. Don’t apologize for your love, passion and interest. Share it. And when someone else talks about something they love, listen. They will appreciate your interest, and their enthusiasm could be contagious.
