May 6, 2008Ask Meryl ~ Was that done?
Hi Meryl
Hope all is well. I have a communication question that has been nagging at me for some time. I know you can solve it. The question – What do you say to someone who continues to ask you repeatedly, “Was that done?” or “Did you send that out?”
I find this extremely frustrating because it is overdone to the most simplest task, I don’t think it is necessary when, especially when my duties are the same on a daily basis. Help me, please.
Meryl Responds
I can think of a number of ways to respond. One is: make a visible chart (online if you don’t share office space) where you mark those things off. Another is to ask:
- I notice you consistently check up on what I’ve done, and it makes me wonder if I’ve done anything to cause you to not trust me. Have I?
Or you could just let it pass.
Let me know how it goes.
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Meryl, I work in an office with an assistant and find both your ideas of the chart and the question both terrific, and especially so if used in tandem. I hear about this situation anecdotally quite a bit, in many industries and many offices, and have experienced it myself, so I imagine this question has great application across your readership.
In my experience, there are two possible reasons for this “checking up” behavior:
1. It’s just a habit, something the person (Supervisor? Co-worker? Knowing that person’s role would be helpful) either believes is “good management” or something this person has experienced him/herself. OR:
2. There has, in fact, been an incident that has caused this person not to trust you.
AND it could be a combination of both.
Either of these things, I believe, should be addressed. The chart is a simple, visible, visual reminder of what’s done and what’s yet to be done. I think it could help in a myriad of ways: as a to-do list, as an it’s-done list, as a record of workload, etc. If your duties are truly the same on a daily basis, it would be simple to make a chart on a dry erase board–check an office supply store for one preformatted for such a list. You would simply fill in the days of the week and make an “X” or checkmark when each task is completed.
But the real key, in my opinion, is the question. I believe it will do two things: remind the person who does this as a habit that it’s just that–a habit–and not a necessity. After all, for the person who asks out of habit, that chart is the best tool of all. You can just “point out” the answer!
And–more importantly–asking the question raises the opportunity to discuss an issue, if there is one. It might be that the person who’s checking up doesn’t know how to Speak Strong and raise the issue; and I would wager there is an issue, something you may not have considered important and have forgotten all about–but s/he hasn’t.
It could be something as simple as one situation that happened to me: I asked my assistant for a report. She told me she was too busy. I walked by her desk a few minutes later, and found that she was on ebay. So now I have a trust issue. For her–after discussing it–I learned it was followup for another executive. (Perhaps she needs to set boundaries, but that’s another subject entirely!).
So–my opinion, use both of the ideas: the chart and the question. I suspect the results will be terrific.
Kelly
Comment by Kelly Graham — May 8, 2008 @ 3:11 pm
I have worked for a boss like the one described here. In my boss’ case, I believe the issue was his own sense of being overwhelmed or feeling incompetent. He wasn’t trusting us to do our jobs, because he didn’t feel as though he could do his own job. Also, he felt his own performance was being scrutinized & he was afraid that the performance of his employees could reflect negatively on him. He never stopped being that person, as long as he was in the job; but once I was able to feel a little empathy instead of resentment, at least that particular tension went away. And some of my coworkers followed my lead. As a team, we began to feel more like the people who could help him instead of the people who spent a lot of energy resisting him.
Comment by Kathleen — May 9, 2008 @ 6:14 am