May 19, 2008Ask Meryl ~ Just an excuse
Meryl, I’m looking for a response to the statement “That’s just an excuse.” If I’m asked why something happened (or didn’t), I usually reply with what I believe are the facts. Every so often, and usually by the same individual, I get the reply “that’s just an excuse” or “don’t give me an excuse.” It makes me wonder if he’s really asking me to answer the question literally, or if he wants me to say something else entirely. Any thoughts?
Meryl responds: When I explain a mistake, delay or other event, I sometimes say,
- This is a reason, not an excuse.
A longer version would be:
- I just replied with my best accounting of the facts. Why would you dismiss my explanation as an excuse? Are you suggesting that I am trying to cover my tail?
Or:
- Actually, if I was trying to make excuses, I would say x,y and z. I was attempting to give you the best answer to your question that I could.
Of course, you do need to be sure you’re not making excuses for it to be effective.
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I find that sating people who continually use that as a comeback is virtually impossible – almost invariably because it’s their issue. Nothing you can say is going to make them happy, because they’re not really looking for an answer.
The one question I generally ask after someone misinterprets my answer to their question through their own filter is, “What would you have preferred that I say? You seem to have been looking for a different/particular answer.”
Comment by Laura — May 22, 2008 @ 8:28 am
GREAT post, Laura! Thanks!
Comment by merylrunion — May 23, 2008 @ 9:06 am