May 15, 2008Ask Meryl ~ Stop rambling
Meryl,
Recently I spoke at a small group and the adjudicator said I should not have told the person who could not come to the point and not to ramble.
The adjudicator failed to say what is the correct way to say or stop someone who is taking all the time to explain a point but meanders and fail to say what is needed.
Please can you say what is the correct or kind word to help an individual who fails to get to the point so others can share, especially when there is only a few minutes.
Meryl Responds:
Tell them what you want them to do rather than what you want them to stop doing. Here are some phrases:
- I’m having trouble following all the details. Can you summarize your point for me?
- I want to be sure we have time to get to everything, and I’m concerned that we’re being sidetracked here. Let’s stick to the topic of…
- We only have a few minutes here. What are the critical points we need to cover?
- If we had more time I’d like to go into detail, but since there’s a lot to cover, let’s stay focused on…
- We have limited time here. What outcome are you looking for?
Sound good?
Meryl
May 13, 2008Poison Phrase ~ Point well taken
“Point well taken” may sound like a PowerPhrase, but if it’s used to deflect, it’s a Poison Phrase. That’s what it was in Lee’s case. Here’s how the conversation unfolded.
May 13, 2008Ask Meryl ~ Computer maintenance
Meryl,
Three of us work in my office. We have the same computer hardware, the same software, same responsibilities, and (supposedly) the same skills. One coworker refuses to maintain her computer equipment properly (ignores update notices, etc.) and so she does not have the same functionality that I have. She keeps trying to hand work off to me because her “machine’s not working right.”
I have suggested she call our IT department but she claims they are unresponsive. I am tempted to refuse to help her outright, but don’t want to be viewed as not being a team player.
Ideas?
I suggest you say what you mean and mean what you say without being mean when you say it.
Say,
• (Name,) your machine isn’t working right because you haven’t kept your computer updated. I’ll help you keep your computer updated, but doing your work for you because your computer isn’t updated isn’t the best use of my time – or yours.
Let me know how it works.
May 13, 2008Poison Phrase ~ Love is a battlefield
I saw a T-shirt that sported the phrase:
- Love is a battlefield.
I differ. When relationships become battlefields, it’s not love. Don’t kid yourself.
May 13, 2008PowerPhrase ~ Crumb management problem
Sometimes levity gets the best results. That’s why Margie used levity when the break room wasn’t clean up to standards. At the meeting, she told the group,
- We have a crumb management problem in the break room. Let’s figure out how to solve it.
Together, they solved their crumb management problem.
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Related posts which may interest you
- Reader Success Story ~ managers who listen to feedback
- Let’s Solve the Problem Now. How This Happened Is a Conversation for Later.
- Ask Meryl ~ Insincere PowerPhrases are Poison Phrases (And SpeakStrong needs a Web developer with programming skills)
- Ask Meryl ~ They talk over me
- Reader Questions ~ Inappropriate Comments
May 13, 2008This Week in the World ~ A policy of asking
Module ten of my Say What You Mean eCourse is about questions. While reviewing those lessons, I was reminded of an experience I had with an employee who consistently misinterpreted my instructions.
After a few months of misunderstandings, we developed a policy of asking. Every time I made a request or delegated an assignment, she would ask at least one question. Even if she was sure she understood, she would come up with some kind of question.
Sometimes her questions were clearly manufactured, but surprisingly often they were important questions that she wouldn’t have asked had we not agreed to a policy of asking.
The policy of asking served us well, and it helped us both develop habits of not assuming we know. So create your own policy of asking. As The National Enquirer says – “Inquiring minds want to know.”
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Related posts which may interest you
- A Question Fast
- HBR post nails the need to consider image in choosing words and Speaking Strong
- This week: Questions are the answer
- PowerPhrase: I wish I could let you take all the time you want to tie things up. I’d like to give you the kind of send-off you deserve
- A Congregation With No Complaints
May 6, 2008Ask Meryl ~ Was that done?
Hi Meryl
Hope all is well. I have a communication question that has been nagging at me for some time. I know you can solve it. The question – What do you say to someone who continues to ask you repeatedly, “Was that done?” or “Did you send that out?”
I find this extremely frustrating because it is overdone to the most simplest task, I don’t think it is necessary when, especially when my duties are the same on a daily basis. Help me, please.
Meryl Responds
I can think of a number of ways to respond. One is: make a visible chart (online if you don’t share office space) where you mark those things off. Another is to ask:
- I notice you consistently check up on what I’ve done, and it makes me wonder if I’ve done anything to cause you to not trust me. Have I?
Or you could just let it pass.
Let me know how it goes.
May 1, 2008Ask Meryl ~ Late reports
Meryl,
As a principal, it is very difficult to get staff to turn things in on time without having to remind them several times. How do you express to someone that they need to work on their organizational skills without coming off impolite?
Meryl responds:
Openly recognize those who do get things in on time. Say,
- Thanks to (names) for getting the reports in early. This is helpful to us because…
In the first round or two of acknowledgments, don’t even mention those who haven’t completed them yet.
If this doesn’t inspire the rest, say,
- The report was due on Tuesday and I haven’t received it yet. The reason why this is a problem is… What can I do to help you get it in on time?
If that doesn’t do it, you might have to impose consequences. For example:
- When you get reports in late, this creates more work in our office. Therefore we will ask those who get their reports in late to stay late to help us process them.
I don’t know if that’s an option, but if it’s not, it could inspire an idea that is.
Might that work?
May 1, 2008Poison Phrase ~ It’s not my money
Bob spoke up at the register when he was overcharged for his coffee. The cashier realized the register wasn’t working properly, so she rang it up manually – for $1 less than he owed. He pointed out the new error, and she said,
- I’m just trying to help you out. It’s not my money.
Nothing he could say helped her understand that he just wanted to pay what he owed. He was astounded that she saw no reason not to cheat the company she worked for.
May 1, 2008PowerPhrase ~ What this means for you is…
Robbie’s description of his services was clear and well stated, but it wasn’t written in terms of the benefits to his customers. His coach helped him focus by giving him the phrase,
- What this means for you is…
The service was a medical diagnostic tool, and the description talked about how it found health issues that other tools missed.
The new description included the phrase,
- No, it’s NOT in your head.
The description addresses the plight of those who have been told by doctors who couldn’t find the cause of their symptoms that the issue was psychological. The new phrase told them what they needed to hear after hearing they were making their illnesses up.
