June 19, 2008Poison Phrase of the Week ~ No
Meryl,
I recently overheard a telephone conversation between my colleague (A) and someone (B) from another department, and have since been wondering whether a reply of No is a poison or a power phrase.
I heard A’s side of the conversation. B asked A to give a presentation. (This is not a role A is normally expected to do, ie. is not part of his job description). His reply was a simple
“No”.
He was perfectly polite, but did not give any reasons for declining. B asked in a surprised tone “No?” , and A replied “no” again. B asked “is there anyone else who could do it?” and A replied “you could ask xxx” (the manager). B then asked another person in the department (not the manager) who also declined but gave a reason.
Since then, A said that B seems to have taken offence and is now ignoring him. B told me “I could have fluffed it out e.g. say I was too busy - but I didn’t want her to get the impression I would do it in the future”.
I’m in 2 minds (but leaning towards no. 1):
1. It was a power phrase because he said what he meant, meant what he said, but wasn’t mean when he said it
2. It was a poison phrase because B took offence.
What do you think - was his simple “no” a poison or a power phrase?
Meryl responds:
A PowerPhrase is as long as it needs to be and no longer. Your colleague’s response is so short that it comes across as blunt and abrupt. When relationships are at all personal in nature, as it is among colleagues, that can destroy good will.
While he shouldn’t err on the side of explanations to the point of self-justification, a simple,
- Thanks for asking. My main job responsibilities keep me too busy to take on presentations, so I’ll decline.
…is clear without coming across like a bucket of cold water.
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I once had a co-worker ask me to be a “Fire Marshall” for our floor. The role was such that you are required to round up people during fire drills (or actual emergencies), check offices, etc., etc. Additionally, there were meetings and training that the Fire Marshalls were expected to attend. I was not interested in this position, so I said, “Thanks for asking, but no thank you; I’m not interested.” He was clearly taken aback for a moment and asked, “Really? Why? You’d be great!” I again said, “Thanks; I appreciate that, but no, I’m not interested.” It was clear, gave a reason, and was “blunt without being blunt”, if that makes sense. We ended our conversation, and while he did, for a while, seem a bit cold to me, eventually he came back to being social with me. I felt good about my response that I was not mean, but I clearly and confidently stated my interest (or, in this case, my desire not to participate).
Comment by Judy McDonough — June 19, 2008 @ 7:46 pm