June 19, 2008Ask Meryl ~ telemarketer tribulations
Meryl
It seems like telemarketers are constantly calling my house soliciting donations. I respect the people who are placing the calls, and often I respect the charities they represent. However my husband and I have specific charities we have selected to donate to, and it is not in our budget to add new charities to our list. When I try to explain this, it seems that the telemarketers take that as an invitation to dialogue, and they continue to try to persuade me until I’m forced to be more blunt.
I’d like to come up with something short and sweet that respects the telemarketer and his/her organization, but leaves no room for continued discussion. Any ideas?
Meryl responds
They’ve been trained to treat anything you say as an invitation to dialogue, and to take advantage of your desire to be polite – even when someone is being disrespectful to you. Even if the cause is a good one, you don’t have an obligation to justify your decision.
Say,
- I’m not interested, and please take me off your list.
If you want to add
- Although I respect what you do, I won’t be adding you to my charity list
you can, but you really don’t need to. Even if the cause is worthy, at this point they’re playing a power game. If you are invested in playing a heart game, they’ll be able to manipulate you. Just be courteous in your directness.
Usually when I ask to be removed from a list, they stop talking. But whether they stop or not, I consider the conversation over and hang up.
June 19, 2008Reader Success Story ~ managers who listen to feedback
I wanted to follow up on my email to you.
I had my meeting with the managers of our team regarding the results of a recent survey I conducted. I asked questions about what challenges the team faced in their jobs, as well as their thoughts about the management of our group. I am happy to say that I was pleasantly surprised at how smoothly this meeting went.
I opened the meeting by saying:
Read the rest of this post here:
June 10, 2008This week in the world ~ articles, posts, competition
I got great responses to my article on Constructive Anger. This week I’m taking on tears and friendship.
If you cry frequently, you’ll want to read: The Secret Power of Tears: How to cry your heart open and SpeakStrong in love
If you don’t cry frequently, you need to read The Secret Power of Tears and learn how to cry your heart open to SpeakStrong in love.
June 10, 2008Reader story ~ It cost me my job, but I spoke up
Meryl,
I took a job as sales manager for a new property and radically increased their bookings. Then they asked my to misrepresent the books to bankers. I wasn’t going to lie. My relationship changed after that, and changed more after I confronted my married manager about his affair with my coworker. (I knew the truth and people asked me about it.)
I was terminated for non-performance. There was no justification for the decision. I did manage to get severance pay.
Now I have a great job that doesn’t ask me to lie. I spoke up, it cost me my job, and it was worth it. I like your phrase, say what you mean, mean what you say, and don’t be mean when you say it.
June 10, 2008Poison Phrase ~ Please remit payment to…
This week’s poison phrase might not seem poisonous to others, but it’s my preference, and I’m sure I’m not alone in this.
The people I work with usually become my friends. So it always seems odd when I get invoices from them with standard formal phrases like:
- Please remit payment to
Do you talk that way? Neither do I. It’s strange enough to read this kind of impersonal wording from people we don’t have personal relationships with, but it’s stranger still when we do.
These statements are standard on accounting software like QuickBooks. Take the time to personalize them.
(After proofreading this pose, my sister sent me an invoice stating: “Please remit payment to the aforementioned address. All accounts more than 365 days past due will accumulate interest charges at a rate of .000 per diem and may be submitted to a collection agency.” Humor works too.)
June 10, 2008Power Phrase ~ I’d like to see you move past this one quickly
Gloria had forgotten to include her colleague in a decision, and when the colleague confronted her about it, Gloria felt disappointed with herself. She shared her self-disappointment with another colleague who replied:
- I’d like to see you move past this one quickly
The message was: it’s okay to feel bad about this, and it’s not worth too much mental anguish. They were perfect words for Gloria to hear.
June 8, 2008Poison Phrase ~ Please remit payment to…
This week’s poison phrase might not seem poisonous to others, but it’s my preference, and I’m sure I’m not alone in this.
The people I work with usually become my friends. So it always seems odd when I get invoices from them with standard formal phrases like:
- Please remit payment to
Do you talk that way? Neither do I. It’s strange enough to read this kind of impersonal wording from people we don’t have personal relationships with, but it’s stranger still when we do.
These statements are standard on accounting software like QuickBooks. Take the time to personalize them.
June 8, 2008Ask Meryl ~ how do I get my managers to listen to feedback?
Meryl.
I work in a Customer Support department of my company. We recently experienced a couple of layoffs, as well as a history of “ill feelings”, feelings of “us vs. them”, “mismanagement”, etc. I’m in the process of surveying the managers to ascertain what they feel the challenges are of their direct reports, and I’m also surveying the direct reports to ask them what they feel are challenges, as well as how they feel about the management. I’m getting some great feedback from the staff that I will share with the managers.
But I’m nervous…
At the risk of sounding like I’m “projecting”, I feel that I know how the manager meeting will go. I’ll start to read some of the anonymous feedback and they will respond in a few ways:
Read the rest of this question and Meryl’s response here.
