July 10, 2008Ask Meryl ~ God Bless
A reader wrote: When I learned a coworker’s spouse was terminally ill, I said, “God bless the family.” My supervisor later told me not to practice my religion in the workplace.
What should I have said?
Meryl Responds: I think the phrase “God bless” is used as a generally expression of sympathy and well wishes and isn’t considered to be religious. That said, I suppose an atheist would feel excluded in a world where theism is so the norm. Perhaps you could say,
- I see the phrase “God bless” as being an general expression of good will, not an expression of any particular faith. I’m curious why it’s an issue for you.
I personally would be very curious as to what his concerns are.
Readers?
11 Comments »
RSS feed for comments on this post.
| TrackBack URI
You can also bookmark
this on del.icio.us or check the cosmos
Incidents like this are spoiling genuine well intentioned spontaneous freedom to empathise with colleagues and friends. People are queueing up to be offended at even the slightest word open to their own sometimes unfair interpretation. If everyone had to analyse every possible permutation, faith, preference etc we would be reluctant to speak at all due to fear of being criticised or made to feel bad about a kind gesture freely given. If people took more notice of the genuine sentiment and goodwill rather than microscopic potential for offence, we could all relax and enjoy good conversation and interaction with others.
Comment by Beatrice — July 22, 2008 @ 7:30 am
As an atheist, I understand the frustration involved in living in a world where the existence of God is, by most, assumed, and invoking God in instances of supplication, demand, cursing, and almost every other part of life happens at least six thousand times daily. It generally makes me feel that to most people, without God we would be unable to carry out any daily functions, and people suffering from illness would have no chance of recovery (among other things God can be praised or blamed for).
However, how I feel about religion makes absolutely no difference unless someone is pouring holy water over me in an attempt to exorcise my demons. The fact that I find turning to God a copout for facing things head-on has no bearing on the fact that others turn to their gods for solace, comfort, answers, blame, and etc. Being judged and persecuted for beliefs is as bad as being persecuted and judged for non-beliefs. If you find comfort in a God, then that is your comfort. I wouldn’t insult your good intentions due to religious differences.
Comment by Audra Tompkins — July 22, 2008 @ 10:57 am
I believe we should practice our religion — every day.
I find nothing wrong asking God’s blessing for someone we are trying to comfort. It’s been my experience that people who believe in their religion, no matter what that is, are nicer people. After all, every religion teaches how to relate to God and to your fellow human being.
Comment by Phoebe — July 29, 2008 @ 12:15 pm
Personally, I’d appreciate the kind sentiment.
Not sure of the receipient’s religious affiliation, but my colleagues include Hindus, Buddhists, Muslims, Jews, Mormons, Protestants, Catholics, Orthodox Christians, Sikhs, Agnostics, and Atheists. (I’m probably missing someone!) They span a wide range of nationalities and cultures.
Folks from several of these have difficulty relating to my relationship with God. This, when offering consolation, I consider how to share the sentiment so its best positioned to be interpreted similarly. (Presumably one is trying to convey benefit to listener, not just voicing one’s emotions.) I don’t betray my religion, but do seek an approach that fits and respects both of us. “May you find the strength needed to guide you through this difficult time” etc.
That said, my colleagues respect my traditions/ beliefs too. If I were to wish blessings from God, even if our religions don’t match, most would likely see it as well-intended sentiment and either let it go or appreciate the gesture. Its the thought that counts… but its also considerate to try to give struggling folks the day off from cultural translation.
Comment by Karen — August 4, 2008 @ 6:19 pm
I can usually find something to say on any & every topic. But this time I think all those who commented before me have said it all. I am just grateful to know there are people like all of you in this world.
Comment by Kathleen — August 11, 2008 @ 7:29 am
This reminds me of the December fiasco we had here in my city regarding “Merry Christmas” wv. “Happy Holidays”. As a non-Christian, I like to say “Happy Holidays” because it means more to me than “Merry Christmas”. It is interesting to see how people react to either greeting though. “Merry Christmas”ers find great offense in a greeting og “Happy Holidays” and the “Happy “Holidays” crowd find “Merry Christmas” rude.
I think it’s just nice to be given a greeting!
I understand the issues surrounding “God Bless” but I also believe that it is reasonable to consider the source. If the person simply intends to deliver a caring wish, then receiving it as such seems like the kindest response. I understand that in places of business this can be a sticky topic, though I am not going to change my opinion on it much, other than to say “be careful how you phrase well-wishes at work”. It would be rather sad to be called to the carpet for simply offering a kind word, but it can happen.
Comment by kym — February 24, 2009 @ 9:31 am
The reader should have sneezed in response to the supervisor’s comment. Maybe out of habit the supervisor would have said “bless you”.
Comment by Debra — March 15, 2009 @ 8:35 pm
Funny!
Comment by merylrunion — March 16, 2009 @ 2:33 pm
Until we stop being “One Nation Under God”, you go right ahead and offer “May God bless your…” any time you feel it’s appropriate.
Anyone who is offended about it is offended by life, itself, not your reference to God.
Comment by Ron Pulliam — March 18, 2009 @ 11:12 am
I was surprisingly offended by the above response, so decided to explore that a bit.
My primary disconnect was with the tone, which I interpreted as dismissive. “Anyone who is offended about it is offended by life” places little/ no value on the impact of one’s words on the recipient. I seek for my messages to be interpreted as intended. If received differently, I want to understand why so I can follow-up &/or consider that factor next time. I don’t want to lose this learning opportunity. As a recipient already in a bad situation, it would make me feel worse to feel that my reaction was dismissed.
Admittedly, this also touches on a hot button issue for many, including me. Religious freedom has been a cornerstone of our country since its earliest days; a wide range of religions are practiced here today. Differing relationships with higher power (or no relationship) inspire differing language.
In general, as our country (also the world) becomes increasingly connected, its critical that we consider the impact of our words/ action on communities outside our immediate circle. Of course, greater interconnections result in us bumping into each other more and more, discovering that even long-held assumptions don’t always match up with those of others. Bumps happen. We should look carefully at those moments. No reason to diminish one’s own tradition but we ought to try to act/ speak in a way that is mindful that it is a small world after all.
Comment by Karen — March 18, 2009 @ 1:05 pm
Karen, I appreciate your perspective tremendously. Every time something rubs us or someone the wrong way, it provides us with a learning opportunity.
Your comment, “I seek for my messages to be interpreted as intended. If received differently, I want to understand why so I can follow-up &/or consider that factor next time. I don’t want to lose this learning opportunity. As a recipient already in a bad situation, it would make me feel worse to feel that my reaction was dismissed” is at the core of what SpeakStrong is all about. Thanks so much!
Comment by merylrunion — March 22, 2009 @ 10:46 am