July 28, 2008PowerPhrase ~ What is it like to die?
In the midst of a flurry of business emails, an associate and friend sent me an email that simply read,
- How are you today?
My friend’s invitation delighted me. I responded with an honest general assessment of my well-being.
This woman once asked a dying friend what she was learning in her passing that she could teach. Her dying friend told her that dying people want to talk about their experience of death, and welcomed the question,
- What is it like to die?
It makes me think of the Iraq veterans who find one of the hardest things about being home is that few people really want to know,
- What was it like being over there?
Many of us routinely ask each other how we are, but don’t really want to know. When we do want to know, and we respect the answers, it a powerful thing. It opens new dimensions.
Of course if the person you’re asking doesn’t want to talk about it, I’m not suggesting you force it.
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I can certainly see that it is very affirming to receive such a question from someone who really wants to know. But if someone asked me ‘What is it like to have been a victim of abuse?’ I would not only be very surprised (and pleased) but would also struggle to find an answer appropriate to the person asking the question. It’s not that I don’t want to talk about it – I do – but it’s very difficult to guage just how much someone actually wants to know. I’ve come to the conclusion that some things are best left to professional counsellors. What do you think?
Comment by Lynne — July 28, 2008 @ 10:03 pm
Lynne, I don’t know how much honesty the culture supports regarding abuse, but I do know what it’s like to be around people who ask and don’t really want to know. I also have learned that there are more people who do want to know than I imagined. If I offend someone in my attempt to discern, I consider that the price of the search for my “soul family.” And finding people you relate to is worth the risk of offending a few you don’t, in my opinion.
Thanks!
Comment by merylrunion — August 3, 2008 @ 3:27 pm
This reminds me of a sentiment I once saw which read: ‘A friend is someone who asks how you are then listens to your answer’ I once heard a telesales agent ask a customer how she was her response was ‘not too good my husband died yesterday’ he replied ‘thats brilliant,tell me, when is your insurance due for renewal?’ If you ask a question, you must be prepared to listen to the response whatever it may be. Empty questions diminish good intentions and fool no-one.
Comment by Beatrice — August 4, 2008 @ 5:05 pm