August 29, 2008Power Phrase ~ Reader contribution - WAIT

A reader submitted -

How do you like this acronym I heard this weekend? I’ll try to use it when I might be over-explaining something.
W.A.I.T.

Why
Am
I
Talking
?

August 29, 2008This Week in the World ~ Grass Roots Mobilization

August 27, 2008This Week in the World Say What You Mean eCourse teleseminar September 10th

The what tos, why tos and how tos
A friend mentioned she would “rather teach why tos than how tos.” After I reflected on her words, I realized I like teaching what tos, why tos and how tos. I like to point a direction, explain why that’s the best direction, and show the way to get there.

I like to teach from the most abstract level, and take the concepts down to concrete action steps. It’s not enough to get people all fired up. I want my words to make a difference in people’s lives.

My Say What You Mean eCourse champions my SpeakStrong philosophy and shows people how to walk the talk.

Starting September 10th, I will offer monthly Say What You Mean teleseminars to my SpeakStrong community. These teleseminars will be no charge to Say What You Mean enrollees. The first one will be September 10th.

Check it out
You can try the eCourse before you enroll. The introduction to my Say What You Mean eCourse is available without charge and there are sample lessons for your review as well.

August 27, 2008The Truth About Love

Next week I will announce my Truth About Love teleseminar series. For Colorado Springs residents, I will talk about it on Fox 21 Morning News on September 11th, and I will describe it when I speak at eWomen’s Network on September 12th.

August 27, 2008Quote of the day subscriber comment

My SpeakStrong Quote and Tip of the Day is available without charge. Here is one subscriber comment.

Hi Meryl. Happy Friday.
I receive the quote and tip of the day at my work email address. More often than not, they are so pertinent to issues I face here at work.
I just want you to know that your words have a resounding positive effect on my outlook and I am able to reassure myself that I am doing the right thing by speaking up, even if it is not the most popular.

I was doubting myself last night about speaking up about something and I definitely felt the wrath after I did so, but this quote reassures me that I did the right thing. Here’s the quote.

Thank you, Meryl. I needed this today.

SPEAK STRONG QUOTE of the DAY:
“The first to speak may take the heat, but leaders lead - they go first.” ~ Meryl Runion

SPEAK STRONG TIP of the DAY:
If everyone insists the emperor is wearing clothes, the first person to suggest he isn’t is likely to take some flack. Be a leader - speak the truth anyway.

August 26, 2008PowerPhrase ~ The burden of proof is on you

This PowerPhrase was submitted by a reader who is an expert in logical fallacies.

“Today at work we were reviewing a design submitted by ‘T’ that had to meet certain requirements:

Me: I don’t think that design will work.

Them: You have not proven it won’t work.

• Me: That shifts the burden of proof. You have the obligation to prove your design will work and you have not done that.

Pay attention to shifts in the burden of proof.

If someone defends their claim to have seen Elvis in the shoe store by saying ‘you can’t prove I didn’t see him’ they are attempting to shift their burden of proof to you.

But they bear the burden of proof for their extraordinary claim.

The Challenger space shuttle exploded because the managers unfairly shifted the burden of proof to the engineers: Unless you can prove it is unsafe, we will proceed with the launch. But where so many lives are at stake, those creating the risk are obligated to prove the venture is safe.”

You can read more about logic and the lack of it here, and in my eBook Unite and Concur.

August 26, 2008Ask Meryl ~ Not my native tongue…keys to changing habits

Meryl,

English is not my native tongue, but I started going to Toastmasters – this has built my confidence in speaking. I have so much information to convey during my talk but somehow I always fell on the same mistake in grammar and usage. Sometimes, when I’m in a middle of my sentence,  I just can’t end it the way I want it – I jabbered which frustrated me deeper and most of the time I just left my sentence hanging and assumed that they understood what I meant.

I’m frustrated but I’m willing to work at it, where do I start?

Meryl Responds:

Your key is repetition, repetition, repetition. Toastmaster’s is a great vehicle for you. A ten minute speech is short enough to practice 100 times. I suggest you rehearse while you walk/hike. That gets it imprinted into your body.

I’ve taught the same seminar and presented the same keynote hundreds of times – and that has allowed me to “perfect” better habits. It got so I could tell if I was off a micro second on a pause – I wouldn’t get the same reaction from the audience. You may not be able to practice the same speech over on your Toastmaster’s groups, but you can practice plenty before and also after, correcting and perfecting what doesn’t go as well.

Another thing I’ve done to improve my speaking is imitation. I have actually copied speakers I admire down to the gestures, intonation and exact language. I personalize my work before I present to others – so much that even the person I copy wouldn’t know I started as a clone of them. But that has really helped me adopt positive new communication habits.

This isn’t from experience, but if I was mastering a foreign language, I would watch a movie I like in my native tongue and then play it continuously in the language I was perfecting. Each time you listen; notice what makes their words effective. On the 100^th time, you’ll become aware of subtleties that you would have missed in a few viewings.

Since one of your issues is completion, picture a target and your words as arrows. I used to back off before the end of my sentences – more in terms of lowering my voice. The imagery has helped me.

That’s where I suggest you start. And as frustrating as the process is, if you’re willing to make small changes at a time, you will be amazed at how far you progress.

Note: I don’t always get acknowledgment of my suggestions, but when I do, it inspires me. I list this response as a success story because I feel quite certain this reader will walk the talk and make the changes. I also think this reader is more articulate than he knows.

Thank you so much, I really appreciate your precious time used in replying to my email.

It was very graphic, clear and objective, I think I can even post it in my bathroom mirror to remind me every morning to really work at it.

I can’t imagine cloning Jim Rohn in my speeches, it gives me goose-bumps. But I think that’s the start.

As I write this reply, I can’t help but smile – I know it will literally light up my days. Thanks again.

May God grant you more and more wisdom, grace and protection for always.

August 26, 2008Poison Phrase ~ That’s what I said

June was telling Avin how to change the page setup in his word document. When she told him to click on file and select page setup, Avin said there was no page setup. Then he found it. Then June told him to find landscape. Avin was silent for a moment as he searched the dialogue box, and then said, “Oh, should I select landscape?” June replied with a yes, resisting the temptation to say,

- That’s what I said.

Walking people through a process can be irritating because they get where you are at their own pace. It’s common for them to discover what you were pointing them toward as if they found it on their own. Only the ego needs to tell them that’s what you said.

I remember my son once telling me something I had told him several times as if it was front page news. I was delighted that he had embraced the idea and refrained from reminding him where he heard it first. Yes, it was tempting to claim credit!

August 24, 2008Ask Meryl ~ Gossip in the ranks

Meryl,

I am at the upper managerial level in government.  My workers seem to believe that it is okay to pass on false information and rumors, that eventually get passed to higher headquarters.  There is a problem here, as they circumvent the whole chain of command.

I find this disconcerting, as they have every right to go over my head, but not to make false or unfounded accusations against me and my management staff.

The Government looks down on retaliation, so I have to be careful how I handle the situation.  I have started by enforcing the policies and regulations already in effect.  The personnel are, of course, calling it harassment.

My question is how do I deal with the false and unfounded accusations against me?  Is there some sort of legal retaliation for making a false statement?  Word around the Store is that the person starting the rumors knows they are not true, but I do not wish to make it appear as though we are singling her out, as everyone has perpetuated the rumor mill.  Should I make an example of this person?

Your help and guidance is requested and I hope it will offer me some form of relief.

Meryl Responds,

It sounds to me like you have a whole culture of gossip to reckon with here.

Have a department-wide meeting and say,

· It has come to my attention that we have a gossip problem in our organization. I will not tolerate gossip. Listening is participating and if anyone attempts to share rumors with you, either stop them and say you don’t want to hear it, or invite them to come with you to me or the appropriate level of management to address the veracity of the claims directly. From this moment on I will enforce the policies and regulations regarding these infringements.

Be aware that gossip often results from environments where information is withheld. In the absence of information, people make stuff up. If this could be a contributing factor, say:

• I apologize for any role I played in this problem by not updating you regularly. I will make every effort to provide you with reliable, accurate information to minimize the speculation. I invite you to address any concerns you have with me directly.

If you think it useful, address the accusations directly. Tell the group some of the accusations you’ve heard and what the reality is. You might even add levity by making something absurd up and throwing that in the mix. Something like your mother wearing army boots and your father being raised by wolves. Do that kind of thing with caution – but it could lighten the mood and endear people to you.

Include your emotional response. That might mean saying, I feel betrayed, I feel disappointed by the lack of loyalty – whatever you experience. That will put a human face (yours) on the picture.

I don’t know about legal remedies regarding false statements. But I bet my readers do!

Good luck. I’m really sorry you’re having to deal with this,

August 24, 2008Ask Meryl ~ Dictatorial Director

Meryl,

I’m a big fan of your website and receive your newsletter. I’ve always been a very direct and upfront person so my challenge has always been the “. . . without being mean when they say it.”

Through much practice (and none too little heartache) I’m finally getting it right *most* of the time however under stress or if I’m not being intentional I can revert to what my drama troupe calls the Dictatorial Director. I therefore have 2 questions:

1) My pre-emptive strike has been being honest about this potential flaw with those I lead. Creating a shared language so they can call me on it. I also try to honestly and rapidly apologize. Are there any other ways you have found effective for dealing with those mean moments?

2. Does it ever become really natural? I still find myself taking a breath, having an internal conversation (“What do I want to have happen? Have I listened?”). Will there ever come a point at which it won’t be the mental equivalent of taking the stairs versus the elevator?

Meryl Responds:

Oh, I like your analogy of taking the stairs instead of the elevator. And, yes, it gets easier – but it may never get easy.

I like your preemptive approach of letting people know up front and arming them with tools to handle you. Personally I think you give them a tremendous gift when you do that. It helps them handle other people who are less aware of their patterns and more likely to buy their own press.

The only suggestion I have is that you not go overboard and be apologetic about giving people a bit of a kick when they need it. A PowerPhrase is as strong as it needs to be and no stronger, and there will be times when your words might seem mean but they’re actually necessary.

While I never endorse unnecessary harshness, finding the perfect balance between strength and sweetness is a life long juggling act. No one gets it right all the time. While being on the receiving end of harshness is no fun, the most difficult thing to handle is when people are shameless – when they act like any and all problems are the fault of everyone else. If you’re owning your excesses, chances are people are learning not to be wounded when they happen. And if you’re helping them manage you when you react you’ll get the awareness you need in the moment to change course on the spot.

In my seminars I talk about Pippi the SpeakStrong Giraffe who keeps her cool and talks the high road, and I talk about Izzie the reptile who reacts and defends in the moment. I’ve been told in companies I visit year after year that they will refer to Pippi and Izzie by making comments like “your Izzie is showing,” or “what would Pippi say?” Those metaphors help make the desired changes concrete. Perhaps they can be useful code words for you too.

Let’s create an enlightened persona of The Dictatorial Director to provide you (us) with a role model of someone who gets things done without being controlling. How about The Divine Directress?

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