September 10, 2008Ask Meryl ~ A real tear-stopper
Meryl,
I received your newsletter today – thanks! I had a question for you please – where are the acupressure points for stopping tears? I had never heard of such a thing. And your example of the person who used it to stop a habit – I found that intriguing. I actually had never heard of that before either! Tears as a habit – not so far fetched, but somehow I just didn’t think of that as a possible operating system for someone – as a habit rather than as a simple manipulation.
Meryl Responds:
It’s in the webbing between the thumb and pointing finger – right where the muscle starts.
I don’t recommend suppressing tears as a rule, but the techniques work well when needed.
I definitely think crying can be a habit – particularly for women. When I was a child, when I got angry, I’d feel heat rising up in me and when it got to my heart, I’d get feint of heart and collapse into tears. If the emotion made it past my heart, it would get stuck in my throat. But I usually didn’t let the words get far enough for me to choke on them. I played it safe, and crying felt safer.
And, sure, I used it manipulatively because I didn’t have the skills to be direct. Getting the skills to approach things directly – and techniques like the web/forefinger can help purge out-dated habits.
It becomes physiological – and happens without awareness. It probably was a useful strategy when expressing anger would have gotten me metaphorically clobbered. But even once I had other options, the habit stayed with me. So anything that helps people practice a different behavior helps create new pathways for more choice.
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