November 5, 2008Reader Success Story ~ negotiating with an ex
I read your book and get your emails to help me with work communication (I sell real estate). I am excited how speaking strong has helped in my personal life as well.
My husband’s first wife is very loud, difficult and controlling. Because they have a son together, sometimes this creeps into my life. Recently, my step-son was having trouble in school and his mother wanted to take him out of football – insisted and demanded he be taken out of football actually. At our “family meeting” I actually spoke up and said:
Taking him out of sports has never motivated him to do better in school in the past and I don’t believe it ever will. I feel that the purpose of these meetings is for you to force us to agree with the decisions you’ve already made. I will not agree to take him out of football and would like to discuss alternative ways to motivate him in school.
I’m happy to say my husband, and HERS, both agreed with me. I don’t expect her to change her tune anytime soon, but I feel good that I stayed calm and spoke strongly in the face of her tirade. And he’s still in football – so far.
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I agree that you handled the ex well. As a teacher, I suggest that you also look on the internet for “behavior management” ideas that teachers use, and ask your stepson what motivates him (depending on age, maybe not so directly). Everyone is motivated by different things, some desire more computer time, more family time, etc. Don’t forget short-term and long-term rewards! Find out what motivates him and you can alleviate the discussion from the family meetings all together!
Comment by Cheryl — November 7, 2008 @ 7:43 am
Congratulations on your support for
your step-son. The best interest of
the child is clearly at issue. Your
step-son may need assistance dealing
with such an overbearing (yet concerned)
parent. Good for you!
Comment by Phoebe — November 10, 2008 @ 9:24 am