January 18, 2009Success Story ~ Getting an idea
Meryl,
One Poison Phrase I dislike is – I have no idea in response to a question or when I am asking someone why something s/he was responsible for has not been done.
It sounds honest and simplistic at first, but I often find people use it when they don’t want to deal with something or they want to play dumb. My business partner uses it all the time, when in fact I know he does know the answer to the question, or at least part of the answer, or that he is just trying to get out of doing something. I have not known how to deal with it in the past, but after reading your Power Phrases! book, I do now:
- (Name), we agreed you would be responsible for phoning the client to tell them to expect delays. I would like this done by the end of today and I will check in with you later to confirm it has been done.
January 18, 2009Ask Meryl ~ What’s up with the new book?
Hi Meryl
I see that you have a new book out; let me ask what may be a silly question: how is this book different from your excellent others?
I also see that you have a package deal for all your books, which is really attractive, but I already have the SpeakStrong for Managers and PowerPhrases books. Is there any was to create a package deal and not include those–just thought I’d ask.
Meryl responds:
The new book is very different from its predecessors. It teaches the skills and principles behind the phrases. PowerPhrases! is the tricycle. Speak Strong is the bike. It tells you how to know what to say.
It’s written in a magazine format to make the information accessible and easy to instantly apply. It includes an audio that shows you have to apply your SpeakStrong skills in essential conversations for leaders, performance managers, team leaders, and entrepreneurial employees.
I posted a sample chapter for you to see the structure.
As far as the SpeakStrong Library goes, I’d be happy to work out alternatives for you.
January 15, 2009This Week in the World ~ The Free Stuff site just got way cooler
Have you checked out my “free stuff” yet? It just got way cooler. I have all kinds of posters for you to take. These posters are referenced and explained in the audio of Speak Strong. Enjoy!
January 15, 2009PowerPhrase of the Week ~ my pleasure
A reader contributed this suggestion:
When thanked, consider saying:
- my pleasure
instead of saying “you’re welcome” or “no problem”.
I noticed this staff response at Bally’s in Las Vegas when I stayed there as a guest. When I thought about it, the common “no problem” would have demeaned both of us and perhaps “you’re welcome” is perceived as pompous.
- My pleasure
made me feel as if they were glad to have the opportunity to help a guest and to shine. I adopted it as my own and the more I said it, the more I felt it. I love vicious circles like that!
January 14, 2009Poison Phrase ~ Money back guarantee
I was interested in an online product but couldn’t figure out what I would get for my $29. The site is very vocal about the benefits, but had nothing to say about the features. Do I get access to videos that non-members can’t watch? Is there software to apply the principles the site teaches? I couldn’t tell, so I asked and got the response,
- We provide a 2 week Money Back Guarantee. Hence, I would like to suggest that you register to the product and explore its features and benefits.
That would be fine if he had said it after giving me some indication of what his product is, but his response declined to give me any better idea of what his product consist of.
January 14, 2009Poison Phrase ~ High-energy, hysterical presentation
I’m sure there were plenty of people this worked for, but when I read the description of a training program as being a
- high-energy hysterical presentation,
I laughed. Check your thesaurus and you’ll see synonyms like crazed, bezerk and histrionic. Yes, it also means very funny, but there are too many other common definitions of this word that the author certainly does not intend. I’d use hilarious.
January 14, 2009This Week in the World ~ Mixed messages, feedback and life-saving conversations
My latest article about loss, life cycles and plosive realism includes lyrics to a song I wrote to my late husband, Michael Kent Runion. It provides a beautiful example of how different words to describe the same reality create entirely different impressions.
Read it here: All Sides of the Moon
Mixed messages, feedback, and life-saving conversations
Oops: Sometimes I think I’d rather not know when I make mistakes. I’d like to pretend I’m perfect. But ultimately it’s useful to know what to improve.
Last week I told the story about how I didn’t speak up when my late husband showed signs of cancer. The group was with me and I received lots of positive feedback about it. But I cringed, laughed, and wanted to cry when someone observed that I had a picture of Linda Larsen jumping for joy on my PowerPoint the whole time I told the story.
I’d call that a mixed message. Of course everyone knew the picture was left over from earlier in the presentation, but I expect they all noticed the contrast, consciously or unconsciously.
We speak, they decide: Many of my readers know the story about my husband’s illness. (If you don’t, it’s on page 11 of PowerPhrases! and is available on my website.) Not many of my readers know the “sequel.”
A few years later, my best friend developed cancer symptoms. It was déjà vu; she didn’t want to talk about it. This time, I refused to pretend everything was okay when I strongly believed it wasn’t.
I said what I meant and meant what I said without being mean when I said it. My friend received a cancer diagnosis but refused the recommended surgery. I later lost my friend to untreated cancer – but this time I never lost myself. I told the truth as I saw it, but it was her decision to make. And who am I to say it wouldn’t have been more gruesome had she gone the medical route? I spoke my peace and loved her through her final year.
Aggressive is not the alternative to passive: There are other communication challenges in life/death conversations. Last week a woman told me she spoke so aggressively when her husband showed cancer symptoms that he shut her out. Truth can get lost in aggressive as well as passive communication.
Assertiveness rules: However, “Nancy” told me she told her business partner that she was going to call her every day until she went to see a doctor about symptoms she displayed. Nancy said it was just what her partner needed to take her symptoms seriously. Her partner thanked Nancy for “harassing her.” Of course it wasn’t true harassment. My friend knew her partner welcomed her concern. Nancy would have respected her partner’s preferences had her partner heard her concerns and asked her to back off.
We speak, they decide. We can’t control other people, but we can honor our own observations. That’s what PowerPhrases and Speak Strong are all about.
And when the stakes are high, it’s important to have the skills sharp and ready to use.
January 12, 2009PowerPhrase of the Week ~ Explanations, not apologies
For such a silly show, I get lots of PowerPhrases from Desperate Housewives. Recently, Eddie’s sweetheart was behaving strangely and aggressively. She tried to get him to open up about what was going on with him, and he struck out at her. When he went to apologize, she said,
- I don’t want an apology, I want an explanation. And if you can’t give me one, here’s what’s going to happen.
Sometimes simple apologies are enough. But other times, we need explanations. Stephen Covey says “To understand all is to forgive all.” But when people refuse to dialogue long enough and honestly enough to help us understand enough to really forgive, an apology can be paper over a problem that needs to be fixed. An apology can be a distraction from a cancer that needs serious treatment.
January 12, 2009Poison Phrase ~ You’ll have to put up with me
My ride was late after an appointment and I intended to be playful when I said,
- I guess you’ll just have to put up with me for a little while.
Even though I didn’t mean my words to be taken seriously, it presented the extra time together as something my associate would have to endure. Next time I’ll say,
Looks like we’ll get to spend more time tighter.
January 12, 2009Reader Question ~ made up questions?
Meryl,
Do you make up your Ask Meryl questions?
Meryl Responds,
Nope. They’re all things people have asked me. I usually edit the questions down and change details for anonymity. And I will sometimes write a question that someone asked me verbally. But, no, I don’t make them up. I don’t need to. My readers are full of questions. (Thanks for that, by the way.)
