February 17, 2009Poison Phrase of the Week ~ You now have three new friends
When I accept requests on a social networking site, often from people I don’t know, they tell me,
- Congratulations. You have three new friends.
Really? Will they check on me when I’m going through challenges, celebrate my wins with me and share their deepest secrets?
Social networking “friends” cheapen the word, and sugest that all there is to friendship is to agree to be in each other’s network.
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Meryl:
Thank you for providing a wonderful forum for discussion words and empowering people to speak with more forethought.
While I realize that some social networking site use “friend” in a way that may cheapen the word, right now there hasn’t been any reasonable alternative.
In fact, some social networking sites use much worse words. Some use “fan”, for example. I certainly don’t think I necessarily want to be considered a friend’s “fan”, as the connotation puts us on unequal footing.
So, until there is a better term invented, my internet “friends” can be called friends. And yes, sometimes we might share our challenges and celebrations with compassion, as we would our real-life friends.
Peace & take care,
DebM
Comment by DebM — February 18, 2009 @ 12:46 pm
Hi Meryl,
I couldn’t agree with you more when it comes to accepting a social networking request. The same goes for when I myself request one; the person on the other end may simply be someone that I met in passing and never spoke more than a few words with.
A better word might be “acquaintance”, which many in my facebook network are to me. My actual friends know who they are.
Sincerely, Sada
Comment by Sada — February 18, 2009 @ 1:36 pm
Hi Meryl,
I don’t know if I would consider this a poison phrase, but I couldn’t agree with you more that not everyone in the social network we’re talking about should be labeled as a friend. It takes me a long time in “real” life before I consider someone a friend.
I have many people in my life, that have different levels of association with me: acquaintances, work associates, hiker buddies, to-die-for-friends, etc. It would be great if we could assign different levels (without each person knowing) to each “friend” we accept.
In the meantime, I’ll just start calling them my FF’s – Facebook friends!
Regards,
Joanne
Comment by Joanne — February 19, 2009 @ 6:27 pm
This is a funny topic to me right now becasue just the other day one of my real-life actual flesh and blood friends stopped by to use my internet as hers has been having technical difficulties lately.
She plopped upon the couch with the mug of chair latte I fixed, and was contentedly surfing away on her laptop. The room was silent. Suddenly she popped out with, “oh goodie, another friend I don’t even know!” It turns out she had stopped by her social network page and found herself another new buddy.
We laughed about the word “friend” on her site, a word I actually take fairly seriously. If somebody is my “friend” it is because we’re there for each other on some level – for instance, a friend can stop by and use my internet when the internet in her part of town has technical difficulties.
I don’t have a social network page, maybe that is one reason why. I haven’t the desire for “friends” I don’t know. I’ve met people online, my best friend is a woman I met online. But she wasn’t my “friend” until we decided mutually to become friends. I like for my friends to be more than casual acquaintances.
My guess is, “Congratualtions! You have three new casual acquaintances” doesn’t sound appealing enough.
Comment by kym — February 24, 2009 @ 7:56 am
I can’t think of another word that can be appropriately used other than “friend.” Other words, such as Buddy, Pal, and Chum, imply not only friendship, but a certain intimacy past just “being friends.” “Acquaintance” is too businesslike and cold, and certainly not appropriate in a “social” networking environment.
And what’s funny is that some of these “friends” either already were friends (“I didn’t know you were on Facebook!”), or they have become friends. I look at it as an opportunity to meet people whom I’d never otherwise meet. I think that adds value.
Irene
Comment by Irene King — February 26, 2009 @ 12:34 pm