February 17, 2009This Week in the World ~ No perfect words
Sometimes I wonder why I even try to communicate. Every clarification places a limitation. Nuance complicates but generalization obscures. It feels like something vast and beautiful gets reduced to a shadow of its original self.
When I write a PowerPhrase, someone points out when, where and how it could be a Poison Phrase. When I write a Poison Phrase, someone points out when, where and how it could be a PowerPhrase. There’s another side to every story. There’s a perspective I neglected. Every expression communicates a part of the whole, and inquiring minds notice what’s missing.
If you’ve read PowerPhrases!, you know I’m not talking about power over; I’m talking about influence and the ability to get things done. If you’ve read SpeakStrong, you know I’m talking about a strength that is coupled with grace – and can even mean having the strength to stay silent at times. The words “Power” and “Strong” don’t say it all. It takes a whole book to do that.
Words have their limits, but they are often the best we have. And when I told my friend who is having her “moon cycle” and isn’t feeling so well that I love her in her luminance as well as in her radiance, it seemed to capture some of what I was feeling. When my husband told me comments I made sounded like they came from the stadium instead of the team, his words came and got me and reconnected us. I may not have perfect words, and there always will be blog commenters who take me to task and point out what my expression omitted. And I’m glad they do. Because when they add their imperfect words to my imperfect words, the picture comes into better focus. I know I’ll never get it “right” and the process can be clumsy, but the end result can be beautiful.
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Your comment about people seeing from a different perspective reminded me of a lesson our HR Manager taught one day and I thought you would enjoy hearing about it. She held a blow up globe above her head and asked us to all gather around her. Then she chose someone in front of her and asked what they saw on the globe (i.e. their view/perspective of the globe). They saw England. Then she asked someone behind her, then someone to each side of her, etc. Each person, of course, saw a different country on the globe. Then she went on to teach that each person’s perspective is valid when looking at a project, challenge, difficult situation, etc. And that we should each try to see or understand the other’s perspective. There was just something very powerful about her using the globe and how she taught that lesson that has always stayed with me. I hope you enjoy this. By the way, I love your books, newsletter, etc.
Comment by June Cram — February 18, 2009 @ 12:59 pm
What a WONDERFUL metaphor! I not only like it, I plan to use it in my diversity training. Thanks!
Comment by merylrunion — February 18, 2009 @ 1:58 pm
Greetings:
Above everything else that we are, we are humans first. And humans are subject to human error. But to error can often be an opinion, and everyone has one. And then, who is to say what is right and what is wrong.
You can say the most carefully chosen word to a negative person, and they can twist your statement into something negative. Some people are happiest when they are angry.
Other people thrive in pointing out other peoples shortcomings. It’s the only way they know how to make themselves feel good about their own self. I call it their insecure self-monster.
Others like to point out things just to express to others that they know something and they want it to be know. “Look, I know something.”
I have used your power phrases on my narcissistic boyfriend. I have changed myself, the way I talk to him, which in turn has changed the way he treats me. So I know it works.
Cheers.
Sherry
Comment by Sherry Majeski — February 18, 2009 @ 11:58 pm
You’re right – context is everything! I found that out myself when I asked my 2-year old how she got so much sand in her hair. She answered, “With a cup!” I’d forgotten what a literal person I was speaking to! So consider the perspective of the person you’re addressing.
Like I did when my daughter had an excessively literal perspective on a common lullaby. Read about it in my blog,
http://blog.thedetectivemom.com.
Comment by Kris — February 19, 2009 @ 10:10 pm
I think part of the fun in communicating is the interesting nuances it can take.
Warning though – this is where the written word (blogs, emails, etc.) often leave many of us stranded.
I read certain literature and I am filled with a sense of awe. Poetic verse, Jane Austen, even some of pulp fiction that exists – a good fiction author can take a string of words and produce a necklace of pearls, very little is left to confuse the reader and yet said reader is sent on an imaginative journey, the likes of which could very easily cause confusion and distraction.
Most of us are not literary masters, most of us (especially on this site) are compassionate, courageous communicators.
We’ll never each understand one another perfectly, and while I do see that as causing bumps in the road, I also understand that it possesses a certain charm – the charm of mulling things over and trying again. Of course, if you are dealing with a narcissit, the charm will be lost on him / her, so I wouldn’t recommend this approach with such an individual, but for most of us, the practice of fresh, enjoyable, purposeful, strong communication is a joy. And very often no answer is right one hundred percent of the time, but most answers are right most of the time.
I love to talk. This is likely why I have an occupation where talking is the most important aspect to the job.
Comment by kym — February 24, 2009 @ 8:12 am