March 17, 2009Ask Meryl ~ Insincere PowerPhrases are Poison Phrases (And SpeakStrong needs a Web developer with programming skills)

Meryl

I want to share a phrase I have been hearing lately – “How can I help you?” I am working with a vendor and an internal contracts person on an issue of mistaken charges. Both have tried to redirect responsibility and come back to me with this phrase.

In this case, what should be a power phrase is being used as a defensive, dismissive tactic, i.e., ‘I’ve done all I can. What more do you want?’

I would much prefer clear, decisive action or requests for more information rather than an insincere offer of ‘help’.

I responded with a clear list of how they could help me in a calm, professional manner, but I thought it might be a good warning to your readers that power phrases can be misused.

Thanks for a great website Meryl.

Meryl Responds,
Ah, yes, any PowerPhrase can be a Poison Phrase when it isn’t sincere. I often respond to insincere remarks as if they were sincere, as you did. Sometimes I don’t think quickly enough and I react to my feeling of being dismissed.

Sure, the people ask to solve our problems don’t always have answers. What is baffling is how someone who is in the position of helping can justify turning a problem back on the customer without any direction. When my webmaster can’t figure out why something isn’t rendering right, I don’t appreciate her closing the investigation with the comment that “the code is fine, so there shouldn’t be a problem.” When there clearly is a problem, I would hope that those who are in a support position would at least suggest another approach or refer to someone who could solve the puzzle.

If I think fast enough, I say,

Since you haven’t been able to solve the problem, can you refer me to someone who can?
I understand you’ve done what you can do here, but since I still have the problem, what do you recommend I do?
What would you do if you were in my position?

My webmaster might not be able to solve my problem herself, but I am convinced that if she were the one with a web page that doesn’t render correctly she wouldn’t just dismiss the situation because “the code is fine.”

(By the way, I’m looking for a web developer with PHP and Flash skills – and also for help with figuring out why my newsletter shows up underlined for a few readers.)

I hope you got resolution. Thanks for passing this on. It sounds like you managed the dismissive treatment brilliantly.