April 21, 2009Poison Phrase of the Week ~ I’ll be the doctor and you be the nurse
As a nurse, Gloria had spent much more time with the patient than the doctor had. When the doctor recommended treatment that overlooked some symptoms, she spoke up about it. The doctor’s response was,
-I’ll tell you what…how about I be the doctor and you be the nurse.
The admonishment effectively shut Gloria down, so when she suspected a patient had meningitis a week later, she held her tongue. Imagine her regret when the patient died of untreated meningitis.
What possible responses can you think of to a bullying remark like this one? I walk you through a series of options in my article: Back off, bully!
Stand your ground with PowerPhrases
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She felt “regret”?!!! OMG! She should have been much more proactive in the first place if she saw potential to an imminent fatal disease and alerted another physcian or nurse who had better rapport with this doctor. Inaction is worse than coming up with a clever phrase…..supplying a retort that made her feel better about being put down by the doctor DID THE PATIENT HARM!! My advice is action, not trying to “out insult” someone when something as important as a life is at stake. If the issue was over a report or presentation, ok, then throw out one of the phrases to dis-assemble the bully doctor, but get real! Her professionalism wasn’t the only think lacking here-common sense went totally out the window.
Comment by Pat Villmer — April 24, 2009 @ 8:58 am
Your response makes it clear how my example sounds like it trivializes a tragic and egregious omission. My intention was to point out how deadly it can be to allow ourselves to be intimidated. If you don’t speak up on the small stuff you won’t speak up on the big stuff. When people don’t know what to say, they usually say nothing.
We get locked in habit patterns, so if we have a destructive habit pattern, we can break it by doing something different – even if it’s not the perfect action. When we explore options in private, it’s useful to try on all kinds of behaviors to see what our options are and what’s holding us back from using them. For example, I don’t have a habit of “out-insulting” anyone. When I find myself blocked in responding to a bully, however, I find that to imagine responding in kind helps me get over my own personal limitations and figure out what was needed.
The article is to be used as practice, and the responses that a reader develops from it will help people get in new habits so they will have the words and the will to respond effectively when the stakes are high.
Thanks, Pat. Your response makes it obvious where I wasn’t clear.
Comment by merylrunion — April 24, 2009 @ 10:19 am
WOW!! You would think that the doctor would have some respect for her knowledge as well. Sure, she may be “just a nurse” but she also has medical training and he should have taken that into account. I’m sure she wasn’t saying something to put the doctor down or make it out that he didn’t know what he was doing, she was looking out for the patients medical health & wellbeing..as she should. Maybe she could have said something with the patient there to have a extra back up for her suggestion. Along the lines of ‘Yes I am a nurse but I am trying to help take care of the patient as well.’ Maybe standing up for the first patient would have made her not hold her tongue for the second one, or not put her in a position with the doctor to not be able to share her medical knowledge as well.
Comment by Melissa — April 29, 2009 @ 3:54 pm