May 18, 2009Reader question: responding to “dunno”
Meryl,
What phrases do you recommend for a manager who coaches staff and gets the response “I don’t know”? When I asked an employee how he could improve his skills in an area he responded with “I don’t know.” I tried prodding more with some open ended questions, and managed to get one idea from him. How do I get past the “I don’t know” and get them to affirm instead of “try”? Thank you.
My reply
My response to not knowing is,
• What would you say if you did know? Or,
• What’s your best guess?
My response to “I’ll try” is,
• I consider that a commitment to trying. Now I’d like a commitment to accomplishing. What result will you commit to?
Then hold their feet to the fire.
Do you have a communication question? You can Ask Meryl.
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Meryl,
I’ve received the “I don’t know” responses as well, then the response would be “I’ll Try”. At this point I’d ask them if they remember what Yoda said to Luke Skywalker when the x-wing fighter has sunk in the swamp. They always say no. Then I state “Do, or do not. There is no ‘try.’” I prefer they “Do”
Comment by Forrest — May 19, 2009 @ 7:37 am
Sorry, Meryl, but I really disagree with you and the first responder (Forrest) on this.
When I ‘ve worked with employees who say they don’t know what they can do to improve, and they say they don’t know, then I have found that they truly do not know. I help them analyze the situation.
Assuming that the skills that need improving have been identified:
1. Ask them to describe someone or some action that shows the type of behavior you want. For example, a waiter who can’t remember an order might talk about a fellow waiter who does.
2. Ask them to identify what is different about the way the job is done. For example, the waiter might realize that the more skilled person always goes clockwise around the table to take orders, then places the drinks and food on the serving tray in a way that corresponds to the order form.
3. If they can identify someone else but not what they do, give them some time to go talk to the other worker to see what’s different.
4. Ask what they need to do to adopt the new work habits. Maybe it’s draw a circle with an arrow on the top of the order pad. Be prepared with ideas to prime the pump.
5. Then report back on the actions.
This method helps employees analyze their own performance, and lets them start to see how specific actions (writing orders down in a routine method) can lead to a general goal (better customer satisfaction or more rapid serving).
Just telling someone to “do” rather than to “try” is awfully demoralizing, especially if the employee has an underlying problem like attention deficit disorder. It also dis-empowers (un-empowers??) the employee over his own actions. Quoting Yoda in this situation is very dismissive. In the movie, Yoda had been working one-on-one with Luke for quite a while and said those words after reaching a point of frustration with Luke. I doubt that many of us have worked as closely on improving an employee’s performance as Yoda did with Luke.
Comment by Kathleen — May 19, 2009 @ 2:42 pm
This is great advice. While I don’t see it as being as opposed to my suggestion – I do see it as being far more thorough and therefore effective.
I have often found that people are more willing to come up with ideas if they have permission not to be right. That’s why I’ve found the “if you did know” comment useful – usually they do know but are afraid of expressing an idea they’re not completely sure of. the “if you did know” qualifies their claim to correctness.
My”what can you commit to” comment is to get people to pick a smaller task they can commit to completely. So if I say I’ll try to have something to you on Tuesday and you want to know what I will commit to with certainty, I might say I’ll try to have it on Tuesday but I will commit to having it on Wednesday.
Forrest’s “do” comment would be useful for someone who has a habit of not committing to results. I do agree that it can be demoralizing for someone who is sincerely trying and can’t be so absolute. I’ve been on the other end of that kind of absolute communication, and as you say, I’ve found it demoralizing. Absolute language has it’s place – but must be applied, as you point out – in appropriate circumstances with compassion.
Thanks for your excellent post!
Does that make sense? Your approach is brilliant and I am very grateful to you for taking the time to share it. I completely endorse what you say. Mine is more of a quick hit and situational in its effectiveness. I think they both have their place.
Comment by merylrunion — May 19, 2009 @ 2:58 pm