May 18, 2009Reader question: responding to “dunno”
Meryl,
What phrases do you recommend for a manager who coaches staff and gets the response “I don’t know”? When I asked an employee how he could improve his skills in an area he responded with “I don’t know.” I tried prodding more with some open ended questions, and managed to get one idea from him. How do I get past the “I don’t know” and get them to affirm instead of “try”? Thank you.
My reply
My response to not knowing is,
• What would you say if you did know? Or,
• What’s your best guess?
My response to “I’ll try” is,
• I consider that a commitment to trying. Now I’d like a commitment to accomplishing. What result will you commit to?
Then hold their feet to the fire.
Do you have a communication question? You can Ask Meryl.
May 18, 2009Reader Success Story: A united communication effort among nurses
I followed a doctor in his rounds who proscribed narcotics for a chemically-dependent patient. The nurse told him,
- My training says we shouldn’t put chemically-dependent patients on narcotics. I’m concerned about patient care.
The doctor was dismissive and I didn’t think too much about it. Later in rounds he proscribed narcotics again and the second nurse said exactly the same thing. Over the week I followed this doctor, I heard several nurses raise the same objection. It was clear to me that they had collaborated to respond that way – and it worked. By the end of the week the doctor no longer routinely proscribed narcotics for chemically-dependent patients.
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Related posts which may interest you
- Poison Phrase of the Week ~ I’ll be the doctor and you be the nurse
- Power Phrase: We have a policy of putting our patients first. I didn’t follow it that day.
- How to Talk to Your Doctor radio interview
- Code white, change and the willingness to see things as they are
- Poison Phrase: You didn’t ask for pain-killer
May 17, 2009PowerPhase Quick tip: Plain language resource http://bit.ly/DWkN9
I’m preparing a keynote for federal employees, and I’m finding excellent resources. One is a plain language website to help make government communication understandable. It’s full of tips and before and after language makeovers. Check it out. You don’t have to be a federal employee to learn from the site.
May 16, 2009This Week in the World: House episode ~ Lost communication filters mixed blessing
On a recent episode of House, a patient lost the ability to filter his words. He verbalized thoughts and feelings that he normally kept hidden. His family was shocked and hurt to experience the man beneath the mask.
Eventually he was “cured,” and went back to his previous courtesies. His wife was relieved – and we were left to wonder if it would ever be the same now that she had seen his hidden nature.
The show presented the situation as a false dichotomy. It suggested he could either be Mr. Nasty or Mr. Nice. It did not raise the possibiity that the patient was revealing a raw but genuine part of his nature that needed to be neither turned loose nor supressed. It needed to be integrated.
I speak of whole brain integration and communication when I talk about Speaking Strong, Smart and Sweet.
May 16, 2009PowerPhrase Reader Discussion: What do you say to an elderly person who’s scared about the economy?
How do you talk to elderly people who are frightened by the economy? The one I’m thinkng of is relatively secure. I’d like the discussion to include talking to those with financial challenges and those who are more likely to weather the storm but are afraid they won’t.
What would you say? What have you said?
May 11, 2009This week: He didn’t know he couldn’t so he did, Twitter on, Bullies
Years ago my husband demonstrated The Scorpion, one of the most difficult yoga postures to a mentally disabled associate. While it had taken my husband years to master it, his associate assumed the pose immediately. My husband mused that the associate was able to do it because he didn’t “know he couldn’t.”
It reminds me of a young man I know who went up the ladder and convinced management to upgrade the computer operating system because, unlike the “old timers,” he didn’t “know it couldn’t happen.”
I’ve been hearing a lot recently from readers who tolerate bullying in their workplace. Entire work groups are terrorized by a single oppressor. Often I suspect they believe they can’t change things, so they can’t.
My husband and I watched the movie The Changeling this weekend. It was inspiring to see the heroine take on the LAPD and win. Everyone “knew” it couldn’t be done. She didn’t share their limitations.
What do you “know” you can’t do? What do you “know” you can’t say? Really? Take the Risky Conversation Assessment and see if your reason for silence is really a lame excuse.
In response to questions I received this week, I reposted some old posts. Enjoy.
I cannot allow my nurses to be intimidated
May 11, 2009PowerPhrase: Feel, felt, found
In my recent article for the National Apartment Association magazine, I applied the feel, felt, found formula. Here’s what I said.
- I understand the rent feels high to you. I’ve talked to other people who felt that too. When they looked around and compared values, they found that the rent is actually reasonable for what we provide.
The feel, felt, found formula isn’t just for sales. I’m preparing to speak to nurses this week. Here’s a variation.
- I can understand feeling fearful about this procedure. I’ve had other patients feel fearful. Once they completed the procedure, they found the anticipation was worse than the actual experience.
Or for my safety professionals,
- If you feel overwhelmed by the regulations, I can tell you a lot of people felt that when they first implemented them. What they found was, once they have them in place, it’s much simpler than they imagined.
This formula acknowledges people’s responses before it moves to take them beyond their responses.
May 11, 2009Poison Phrase: That’s a terrible idea
In an article about nurse – physician communication and collaboration a physician responded to a nurse’s recommendation by saying,
- That’s a terrible idea.
He went on to explain why. His warning stayed with the nurse, and she later passed on the same warning to another physician.
This story ended well. However, had the nurse been less emotionally mature, the harsh condemnation might have left her reluctant to offer suggestions in the future.
When the nurse later passed the warning to a physician, she spoke tentatively. I would have recommended stronger but not harsher wording.
Ironically, because of the power and authority differential, it’s more important for a physician to speak graciously to avoid shutting dialogue down.
Be sure to read my repost on nurse, physician communication.
I cannot allow my nurses to be intimidated
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Related posts which may interest you
- Crossword puzzle poison phrase. ER helpers. Answer, nurse
- Code white, change and the willingness to see things as they are
- Nurses and patients use PowerPhrases to stop death by hierarchy
- PowerPhrase Cannot allow my nurses to be intimidated
- PowerPhrase: What would you do if you didn’t feel intimidated/guilty/vengeful?
May 11, 2009Reader Question: Gracefully Correcting Grammer
Meryl,
How can you bring it to someone’s attention when they use completely incorrect English without hurting their feelings or coming across as superior? A man I know says, “I seen,” “I done” and “them guys.” Otherwise he is very intelligent.
I respond,
I was a bit stuck on this one which is why it has taken a while for me to answer. My challenge is similar to the body odor question…there is no great ways to say it, but some are better than others. I borrowed my own tips from my article about how to tell someone they smell bad. Here’s my best shot. Say,
- (Name,) I have noticed grammar errors in your word choices, and I’m concerned that it is having an impact on your ability to interact with your co-workers and our customers. I know if it was me, I’d want to know. If you’d like to talk about it more, I’d like to support you.
Readers?
May 10, 2009Quote: Getting conscious is first step in changing behavior @LindaLarsen
“The first step in changing any behavior is becoming conscious of that behavior.” Linda Larsen, 12 Secrets to High Self Esteem
So much programming, so little awareness
