June 23, 2009SS Reader question: Self esteem and Poison Phrases

Filed under: Poison Phrase of the Week by merylrunion |

Meryl,

It seems all the common point of poison phrases is they are meant to undermine one’s identity.

Here the question is:

1) Does the term “identity” refer to self-esteem?
2) If yes, what exactly are the components of self-esteem?
3) If no. then what are the components of identity with reference to Speaking Strong?

Response

You are so making me think.

I could get esoteric about soul identity but on a more mundane level I’d say we have true identities and hide behind false identities. True identity is your inherent nature like it’s a cat’s nature to be independent. A false identity would be if a cat got the idea that it should be more loyal like a dog and pretended it was, while secretly yearning to be alone or sit in a new person’s lap.

Self-esteem is recognizing your identity and being comfortable with who you are without having to inflate your image to yourself or others.

Poison Phrases are things people say that sabotage clear communication. If I go on the attack, it’s likely to shut you down and abort our connection. I may or may not undermine your identity, but if it gets in the way of communication, it’s a Poison Phrase.

Speaking Strong is about communicating from the core of your being, speaking from true identity, not posturing. And it’s about doing it successfully, with grace and skill.