June 17, 2009Poison Phrase: Kids and Old People
I finally wrote up some observations from intergenerational communication training that I do. How do the younger workers and older workers collide, and how can they connect?
A couple Poison Phrases emerged from the training. Don’t call younger workers:
-Kids
Even if you mean it endearingly, it pulls rank. And don’t call elder workers:
- Old People.
That slipped out inadvertently several times. Here’s a hint for the Gen Xers and Millennials – Boomers don’t think they’re (we’re) old, They also usually think they’re more with-it than they are. I observed that when a Boomer friend read my new article and said, “Jeepers, I talk more like a Millennial or a Gen Xer.” Jeepers? How many younger workers use Jeepers? Boomers may be deluded – but it doesn’t serve the kids…ahem, I mean the younger workers – to burst our bubble.
Read You Don’t Call Me "Old" and I Don’t Call You "Kid"
Intergenerational Communication in the Workforce
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Related posts which may interest you
- SpeakStrong Article: “Don’t Call Me ‘Old.’ Don’t Call Me ‘Kid.’”
- GenY communication topic of “Zits” comic strip today
- Got a radio gig from twitter. http://acloserlookradio.com/ So that’s what my social media coach @phylliskhare was talking about.
- SpeakStrong Kids: Observing birthdays
- Poison Phrase: Are you sure you want to…?
June 17, 2009Reader communication question: Control Issues
Meryl,
I am the ‘service owner’ for a software application, which I manage as part of my job. A new manager joined the department. He knows a lot about this software application and he keeps trying to take control away from me. For example, he makes changes without discussing them with me. I’ve asked him to put his requirements in writing, but he doesn’t.
How do I give him the message that I am the boss where this software is concerned, without being ‘nasty’ in the process.
Meryl responds,
Say,
* I see us as playing by different rules here. I’m trying to get us on the same team, and it seems to me you’re going for autonomy. What’s up about that? How can we start playing the same game and work together?
Let him know you’re open to his ideas about how to collaborate, since if you dictate terms of collaboration, it’s not really collaboration.
June 12, 2009Power Phrase: Pretend I’m someone else and describe what I explained to you
Joe is a consultant who provides a lot of valuable information to his clients. They always claim to understand. He affirms their true understanding by saying,
- Pretend I’m someone else and describe what I just told you.
They rarely can – and by asking them to repeat his information back to him, he can uncover and clear up thier misunderstandings.
This is an excellent tool for delegation. I like to word it this way:
Please repeat my instructions back to me to make sure I was clear.
That way, the listener doesn’t feel like a grade-school kid.
June 12, 2009PowerPhrase ~ Laughter as a PowerPhrase – at metro station
Emotions are so contagious! Come on hostile and you’re likely to get hostility back. Come on gentle and you’re likely to get a gentle response.
Laugh, and who knows what will happen. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jedd2FiZTqM
Laughter could be a PowerPhrase…
June 12, 2009Style quiz: My hubby made space for shoes before he bought them. I’m finding space for last year’s pair http://speakstrong.com/inventory
He rearranged his closet to create a space for his new shoes the day he ordered them. So not my style! But I am impressed.
What’s your communication style? And how do you communicate with someone who has a different one? Quick tip – take the SpeakStrong quiz and find out.
http://speakstrong.com/inventory
June 12, 2009SpeakStrong Reader Question: Responding to discouraging job search questions
Meryl,
I want to help a young friend. He has made a number of poor choices and has a difficult life. The recent death of a younger brother, linked to drugs, has hurt him badly. He has poor self esteem, but is trying hard and appreciates support and direction.
He is withdrawing from our social group. Well meaning people come up with questions like “How’s work?” “Got a job yet?” or “How’s the job hunting?” and it impresses on him his sense of failure because he is unemployed. How can he respond to these type of questions in a way that is empowering to him?
My suggestion,
Great question! Funny how our desire to be supportive can seem like we’rerubbing someone’s nose in it.
The questions can imply that he should be working by now, but that’s most likely his own projections. There are no rules about how long it should take to find a job.
I’d interpret the questions as opportunities to network for support – like,
- Still looking. Do you have any leads?
- Not yet. Thanks for asking!
Does this help? Nice to hear from you!
June 11, 2009Speak strong success story: successfully addressing snide behavior
Meryl, I DID IT!!!! I was able to go to my coworker and it was a SUCCESS!!!!!!!!! I told her it was hard for me to know how to confront a co-worker b/c I don’t want there to be any tension amongst us and I wanted clear things up so I wouldn’t brace myself for what feels like an attack when she speaks.
She was very receptive and very understanding. WOW!!!!!!! She suggested if I find her being snide, I just bring it to her attention. I’m so relieved now.
Note from Meryl – you’re relieved and I’m thrilled. You go!!!
June 11, 2009From Poison Phrases to PowerPhrases: Crucial Conversations: best way to unite team is to learn what divides it http://bit.ly/bN3Hb
There’s a great post about how to unite teams by looking at what divides them on the Crucial Conversations website. http://bit.ly/bN3Hb
Here’s the summary.
t turns out you can get almost any two people to resent each other if you do a number of things:
• Give them a separate identity or goals.
• Make it difficult for them to communicate.
• Have them associate with a social group that already resents the others.
• Make it difficult for them to help each other or limit their communication to official channels by imposing a chain of command.
• Reward them for individual achievements or for supporting those in their geography but not the larger team.
• Keep them physically isolated—allow few means for them to communicate and then only in sterile ways (voice only, e-mail, etc.)Once you know what divides teams, the next step is to figure out what unites them. The article goes into that.
Poison Phrases help you find your PowerPhrases.
June 11, 2009Got a radio gig from twitter. http://acloserlookradio.com/ So that’s what my social media coach @phylliskhare was talking about.
I’m new to social media and struggle with the way it eats time. So I need to learn to focus and keep it all in balance. My coach Phyllis has been wonderful at nudging me without pushing me past a manageable pace. I believe from her enthusiasm that it will be a very useful part of my business.
But now I believe it a bit more from experience. I saw that Pam Atherton was doing a show on intergenerational communication, and I messaged her to tell her that I provide intergenerational communication training for the army, and I have lots of insights and tales to tell from that.
And she invited me on the show.
It’s a start. And it shows that social media isn’t just a bunch of people pitching to and preaching to each other. There are some real connections to be made.
June 9, 2009Speak Strong: Hype-fatigue in sobering times
Last October, my investment agent showed me a chart to illustrate long-term gains in the stock market. He had picked his data to make the results as impressive as possible by starting late October 1987 and ending at the high point in 2008. His presentation wasn’t false – but it was misleading. He never said, but did imply that the best scenario results based on 20-20 hindsight were standard results that I would be likely to achieve over time. I told him the market was too volatile at the moment for me to invest. That decision proved wise.
The speaking industry is replete with hype, like the email I received yesterday that started with, “What would it be worth to you to transform your business into an enterprise that makes millions while making a difference?” Note the question never states but does imply that their service will be that lucrative. The service is valuable, but the promise seems inflated to me.
Yes, hype still works, but the times are sobering us. Authenticity is a becoming very hot theme. Some of us are looking for more realistic promises and believable results.
Last week I wrote of my own struggle with gobbledygook in my short career in government service, and contrasted a Buzzword Generator with a PowerPhrase Generator. My recent book SpeakStrong is all about removing the hype and embracing the power of an authentic message.
Hype isn’t just damaging because it creates false hope and expectations. It’s also damaging because it suggests reality isn’t good enough. Hype sobriety says reality is enough. I hope SpeakStrong helps you get verbally sober and helps you cut through the hype that bombards you.
