July 31, 2009PowerPhrase: It’s not a drama unless we turn it into one
Martin was extremely apologetic for losing a document. His colleague was calm, and said,
- It’s not a drama unless we turn it into one.
How many dramas do you have in the course of the day that is only a drama because you made it one?
July 29, 2009Political PowerPhrase: Let’s look at the actual text
How do you respond when someone goes on a rant about the dangers of a proposed public policy, not because they understand the policy, but because they’re listening to fear mongers?
Read what Lee said here:
For more political PowerPhrases, get my eBook Unite and Concur: How to stop arguing and start talking about politics.
July 29, 2009PowerPhrase: We need to set sail even though we can’t see the shore
My friends Jarla told me that at the end of a change training she conducted, an IRS executive told his staff that he was accustomed to knowing where they were, where they were going and how to get there, but that the current trends made it clear that they had to start implementing change immediately even though it wasn’t clear where they were headed. He said,
- We need to leave our familiar shores and set sail even though we can’t see the other shore.
Often we want guarentees before we’re willing to embark on something new. Each step we take changes the terrain. We might end up with somethiing far better – or at least very different – from anything we could have envisioned before we started.
This executive gave his staff a visual image – almost a mythical image but also a practical one – to inspire them to move forward.
July 28, 2009PowerPhrase: Please repeat that back to me
Roger felt frustrated by how many mistakes a particular company made in his orders. When he told me it was thw only company where the order-takers didn’t repeat the orders back to him, it dawned on him that he could be pro-active and ask:
- Please repeat that back to me.
Call me crazy, but I suspect Roger’s orders will be more accurate in the future.
July 28, 2009The Destructive Art of Turning Play Into Work
I had an entertaining read this week: a book called: “What’s Your Poo Telling You.”
Before you tell me I need to get out more, let me tell you that it’s written in such a delightfully entertaining fashion that even if you’ve never wondered about such things, you’ll find yourself wanting to learn everything.
Lighthearted approaches to serious topics enhance learning. That’s one of the reasons my Conflict Management seminar is so popular. We laugh our way through the day – and learn a lot.
My husband and I playfully remind each other to do things. For example, when he forgets to close the closet door, he finds the most interesting things in his jacket pockets. Sure beats nagging. When I don’t put things back in their proper place, I get surprises too.
Turning work into play…and getting results…is delightful art. And turning play into work is a destructive one…and one that we too often apply. I think of a video where Oprah runs on a treadmill affirming how much she hates it every step of the way. I wanted to shake her and suggest she take up NIA. (Note: if you love the treadmill I say go for it. And if you don’t like NIA, don’t push it.)
Turning exercise into work is a loss, but it’s nothing compared to the way people work at relaxing. If you ever learned TM meditation, you know that getting your meditation “checked” is all about making sure you’re not using effort in your practice. You can’t use the sympathetic nervous system to invoke a parasympathetic relaxation response.
Relationships are similar. That’s why whenever I hear the phrase “work on our relationship” it’s a red flag. Yes, relationships do require nurturing and attention and development. But if you consider your relationships work, friends and families become tasks to be dispensed with and problems to be solved. It can be dehumanizing.
A PowerPhrase is as strong as it needs to be and no stronger. Playfulness and lightheartedness create receptivity and soften resistance. Things unfold when you don’t push so hard.
So find a way to add fun to your life this week. And if reading one of my books is part of your agenda, have fun with it.
July 27, 2009Turn work into play: not play into work
I had an entertaining read this week: a book called: “What’s Your Poo Telling You.”
Before you tell me I need to get out more, let me tell you that it’s written in such a delightfully entertaining fashion that even if you’ve never wondered about such things, you’ll find yourself wanting to learn everything.
Lighthearted approaches to serious topics enhance learning. That’s one of the reasons my Conflict Management seminar is so popular. We laugh our way through the day – and learn a lot.
My husband and I playfully about remind each other to do things. For example, if he forgets to close the closet door, he finds the most interesting things in his jacket pockets. Sure beats nagging.
Turning work into play…and getting results…is delightful art. And turning play into work is a destructive one…and one that we too often apply. I think of a video where Oprah runs on a treadmill affirming how much she hated it every step of the way. I wanted to shake her and suggest she take up NIA.
But turning exercise into work is nothing compared to the way we can turn relaxation into work. If you ever learned TM meditation, you know that getting your meditation “checked” is all about making sure you’re not using effort in your practice. You can’t use the sympathetic nervous system to invoke a parasympathetic relaxation response.
That’s why whenever I hear the phrase “work on our relationship” it’s a red flag. Yes, relationships do require nurturing and attention and development. But if you consider it work, you activate a power style of functioning in a situation that best responds to gentleness that allows things to unfold.
So find a way to add fun to your life this week. A PowerPhrase is as strong as it needs to be and no stronger. And if you’re having fun as you go, chances are you won’t need to bring out the big guns, because everyone is receptive.
July 27, 2009Goofy PowerPhrase: This is your missing checkbook calling
When Lynn left her checkbook at the chiropractor’s office, he got on the phone and left the following message.
- This is your checkbook calling. You left me here. It’s dark and scary. Come get me.
Lynn got a chuckle out of it and the chiroprator enjoyed his day more due to the added touch of play.
July 27, 2009PowerPhrase: The Anti-Boot Camp
The pendulum does swing – and the leaders tend to be those who swing ust a bit ahead of the crowd.
I received an invitation for:
- The Anti-Boot Camp
today.
Mark LeBlanc doesn’t use the phrase again in the copy, but the email subject line suggests to me that he is aware that many of us have grown weary of a militant approach to acheivement.
July 27, 2009Poison Phrase: Work on
I just posted about my friend whose use of the word “have to” reflected a sense of burden.
My word to watch is:
-work on
When I considered changing a series of jokes with a negative theme into it’s complementary opposite with a positive theme, I used the word,
- work on.
I changed it to
- play with.
I’ve been meditating for over 35 years, and my practice is based on effortlessness. Basically, you can’t work on relaxing. You can’t use the sympathetic nervous system to switch on the parasympathetic nervous system. Far too often, we turn what could be a pleasure into a job. Ironically, we often get much better results when we take a lighthearted approach.
I suspect my writing is much more compelling for you after I’ve played with ideas than it is after I’ve worked on them. So I am working on … I mean playing with … being more judicious about how I use the word “working on.” I invite you to join me in my efforts … I mean my adventure.
Okay, how many of you are “workng on” your love relationships?
July 27, 2009Poison Phrase: have to
I was disheartened to hear my friend use the word:
- have to
20 times in a recent conversation as she described her hectic schedule. Many of the things she listed would be sources of joy under less chaotic circumstances. When we get overloaded, even something like getting the perfect gift from a friend can become a burden. Now you “have to” find a place to put it and “have to” write a thank-you note.
Sometimes we use these words out of a negative habit. Other times, we’ve taken on so much that we aren’t just saying we “have to” do pretty much everything we do – we experience our lives as being all about obligation.
When you find yourself using the word “have to” when some might say “get to,” either change your circumstances or the way you talk about things. I don’t recommend putting a happy face on negative circumstances, I do recommend being conscious in everything you do, and letting your thoughts and words reflect the fact that we actually do have and make choices.
