Comments on: Poison Phrase: Are you sure you want to…?

By: PowerPhrase: that sounds like something my mother would say | A PowerPhrase a Week

Tue, 13 Oct 2009 09:42:06 +0000

[...] subtle, but vital to understand how our words can come across as paternal. I wrote about my own parental language when I asked my hubby if he was sure he wanted to eat the pizza. He and I are slowly becoming aware [...]

By: merylrunion

merylrunion — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 20:52:29 +0000

Annelise, I hear that one! I find that backseat driving makes me a more dangerous driver because it startles me and overrides my own perception, and my own perception has worked for me so far! You’re right – the angry outburst don’t help.

How’d you put the emoticon in there?

By: Victoria

Victoria — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 19:40:27 +0000

This is a great topic and a subtle but fabulous “tweak” for at home, office or with friends. Thank you!

By: annelise

annelise — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 02:29:04 +0000

I must remember to try this before opening my mouth as the ‘backseat driver’ when my husband is driving. If anything – the request to make an observation will delay my outbursts and that’s got to improve our relationship!

By: merylrunion

merylrunion — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 18:43:35 +0000

I just had an email exchange with a woman who shared a fabulous PowerPhrase. There was one point that I take minor issue with, so I asked: “May I suggest a slight tweak?”

It felt so much more respectful than diving right in.

By: merylrunion

merylrunion — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 12:54:20 +0000

I hear your objection and while I probably would have made the same argument before we made this shift, my experience with this is so powerful that I’m a believer so to speak. My hubby was defensive about his choice when I asked if he was sure if he wanted to eat the pizza, and when I ask if he’s open to a suggestion and then express my thinking or concern, he doesn’t get defensive. If I felt like I was walking on eggshells, I wouldn’t recommend this approach, but in fact I feel more freedom to express than ever before.

I wouldn’t ask permission before stopping someone from pulling out in front of a motorcycle they didn’t see, but for most of life’s discussions there’s time to request permission to comment. The truth is, he might have regretted the pizza but it wouldn’t have been a disaster, and my wording put me in the parent to a child position rather than adult to adult.

Again, it is subtle stuff, which makes the results surprisingly powerful.

By: Pat Villmer

Pat Villmer — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 19:36:15 +0000

I am sorry but the logic of this escapes me. If you saw your husband about to do harm (minor or major) to himself accidently or otherwise, you’d actually ask permission first to talk/warn about it?? That’s more damaging than turning him into a “child”-I’d risk it! Remind me not to run with scissors around you.