July 10, 2009PowerPhrase: I almost love it. Collaborative wording.

Filed under: The PowerPhrase of the Week by merylrunion |

I’ve been dialoguing with a reader about wording when someone is absorbed in their own thoughts and don’t seem able to listen. Here’s what she wrote.

“In yesterday’s newsletter, you wrote, ‘Have you ever had people interrupt you before you were able to get to your point? Sometimes I can tell my listener is so absorbed in her own thoughts that they can’t wait for me to complete mine.’

Your suggestion: ‘It’s usually best to let her express her thought. Then, gently let them know you had more to say by saying,

I didn’t get to my punchline.’

“Now, I love that. Love that. It’s subtle. It works. It’s a little humorous. And it’s not a slap in the face.’

“What I do: when I notice the “absorption” you describe, I say,

I know you have some input for me already. Please stop thinking about what you want to say, just listen to me, and I promise you’ll have all the time you need for your reply, okay?”

I requested permission to offer a tweak, which she granted.

My suggestion was:

I can tell you have input for me already that is making it difficult for you to continue listening. Can you make a mental bookmark in your responses and I’ll leave plenty of time for your reply at the end?

Her reply was,

“Wonderful, and I almost love it. It certainly works better this way! For me, there’s a little sticking point in the phrase “at the end.” It’s a very small–and maybe silly–point, but even though I’m asking him or her to wait, I still wouldn’t want my co-conversationalist to feel I’m placing him or her “at the end.” And in most cases his or her reply wouldn’t be the end of the discussion, necessarily. I’m thinking something like:

I can tell you have input for me already that is making it difficult for you to continue listening. If you can make a mental bookmark in your responses, I’ll leave plenty of time for your reply. Would that be okay?”

I love what evolves from collaboration. I love it when I can align with someone looking for wisdom rather than compete to be right. And I love the results – in this case, exquisitely cultivated wording.