July 10, 2009Reader dos/don’ts talking to someone who was laid off

Filed under: The PowerPhrase of the Week by merylrunion |

Meryl, I have worked as a PC support technician for a major health insurance company for 20 years. In May, our department head announced our company was outsourcing all our jobs, with many of them going off-shore.

To say this upset me is an understatement of mammoth proportions, but after I got over my initial shock and anger, I found I was reacting in a remarkably calm manner, especially for me. In fact, for a few weeks, I questioned whether I was truly calm or in denial! I suspect it was a bit of both for a while.

I am very fortunate in that my financial and personal situation will allow me to take this opportunity to pursue something I have always dreamed of doing–writing as a career. It will be difficult, but I am convinced that now is the time to do it. At the very worst, it won’t work out the way I want, and I will have to return to a full-time job with a company, but I will still have the satisfaction of having tried.

Enough about me, though.

As I go through this experience, I have observed some interesting things.

Our HR representative warned us our reactions to being laid off would be akin to the grieving process, especially for those of us who had been with the company for a long time. I’ve found she was right. What I did not expect was that other people would react much the same way. Some people have even showed reactions in what I can only describe as “survivor’s guilt.”

Here are some suggestions for how people can react to someone who has been laid off:

Avoid a variation on “This could be the best thing that has ever happened to you.” It well could be. Still, you never know a person’s situation, and even if a person is in a good position, being laid off is never a good thing while it is happening. Instead, say something like “I hope you find a job you enjoy doing.”

Don’t say “The company didn’t appreciate you, anyway.” Again, that could be true, but it is not something a person who has been laid off needs to hear.

They are likely depressed enough! Hearing the company, with which they spent several years of their life, didn’t really appreciate them doesn’t help.

Instead, say something like “I hope you find a company that is eager to utilize your talents.”

Make eye contact. Speak to the laid-off person when you meet before they leave. I normally work from home, but when I’ve been in the office over the past weeks, I’ve seen some people all but dive into an empty cubicle when they see me coming. People feel awkward. They want to hide the “I’m glad it’s not me” feeling. If you can’t think of something to say, a simple “Hello” will do nicely.

For those who have been laid off, don’t seize every opportunity to announce “I’ve been laid off.” Trust me, most people already know, and the “survivors” are having almost as much difficulty dealing with it as you are, especially if you’ve worked together for a long time. If someone asks “Were you included in the layoffs?”, go ahead and answer, but don’t rub their noses in it.

I’ve learned being laid off is a double-sided experience. On the one hand, I feel hurt and angry that my company has “dumped” me after 20 years. On the other hand, I am beginning to feel hopeful that I am at a gateway to something new.