July 15, 2009Ask Meryl: Angry customer
Meryl: I was given your PowerPhrases book by a friend and I have found it very helpful. I have a question though, about dealing with unreasonable and angry people.
I recently got into a conflict with a customer because she was unhappy with our service and was demanding a refund. I tried to speak with her in a reasonable way, but she quickly became abusive, raising her voice and made several personal attacks towards me (calling me names, etc).
She was also threatening to badmouth both me personally and my business to everyone she knows. I needed time to process, but I couldn’t get her to leave. How should I de-escalate someone who is bullying me, without just giving them what they want? I have never experienced such a personal attack before and it has shaken my confidence.
Meryl responds:
I can respond better if you give me specifics. That way I can tell if you were unintentionally dismissive or otherwise said something that might be inflammatory to someone who is hypersensitive. Based on what I have, here are my suggestions.
There is a Quick List appendix in PowerPhrases that includes phrases for acknowledging without agreeing. Those are probably what you’re looking for.
A favorite of mine is,
- I care very much about your problem and when you speak to me in this way, I find it difficult to focus on a solution.
Then there’s
- Are you aware that you are screaming at the very person who is trying to help you?
That one comes with more risk of inflaming them further!
Also,
- The louder you speak, the more difficult it is for me to hear.
Or sometimes you can calm people down by getting them thinking…
- Name, I have three questions I need answers for in order to help you. Question number one:
There’s a lot of power in numbering.
However, if she really is bullying you, the greatest defuser is just staying calm and demonstrating that those tactics don’t work with you.
Does this help?
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I work in customer service and deal with customer complaints every day. The best way to handle a difficult customer is not to get “hooked” and act like the customer. Stay calm, keep voice tone even, apologize and explain why you are unable to refund. Keep repeating the same message. I’m sorry goes a long way. Many customers are situationally difficult because they do not understand why the cannot have what they want. I even had difficult customers apologize to me once they understood the reason why. Hope this helps
Comment by Audrey — July 16, 2009 @ 12:39 pm
We are all customers at one point or another with one business or another. It’s not that the customers don’t understand it’s more of the fact that the some particular businesses will try to exploit profits and the customer doesn’t matter and they know that the customer can rattle all he/she wants but in the end the customer will have to shut up and face it, short of a lawsuit which is when the business really tries to put its best foot forward.
Comment by Jamal — January 25, 2010 @ 11:09 am