July 27, 2009Poison Phrase: have to
I was disheartened to hear my friend use the word:
- have to
20 times in a recent conversation as she described her hectic schedule. Many of the things she listed would be sources of joy under less chaotic circumstances. When we get overloaded, even something like getting the perfect gift from a friend can become a burden. Now you “have to” find a place to put it and “have to” write a thank-you note.
Sometimes we use these words out of a negative habit. Other times, we’ve taken on so much that we aren’t just saying we “have to” do pretty much everything we do – we experience our lives as being all about obligation.
When you find yourself using the word “have to” when some might say “get to,” either change your circumstances or the way you talk about things. I don’t recommend putting a happy face on negative circumstances, I do recommend being conscious in everything you do, and letting your thoughts and words reflect the fact that we actually do have and make choices.
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“Have to” certainly does smack of obligation. I remind myself that I need to change the phrase to “want to”…so instead of listing the things I “have to” complete before a deadline, I reframe it to “these are the things I want to complete”. Even if the list is long, it gives me back my sense of self-control and power over my thoughts and environment. It gives me the opportunity to prioritize and decide what is, indeed, an obligation.
Comment by Kathy Logan de Chavez — July 29, 2009 @ 10:50 am
Nice, Kathy!
Comment by merylrunion — July 29, 2009 @ 11:54 am