August 12, 2009Reader question: getting a strong employee to dial it back

Filed under: Ask Meryl,Uncategorized by merylrunion |

Meryl.,

Just found your website and really find your “Speak Strong” work and observations very enlightening. I came to your site to find help regarding a conversation I need to have with an Employee of mine. The Employee has a history of having a lot of “Command” in her approach. She is very talented in leading teams and is able to coach and move performance of her Associates. Managing laterally and upward is where she is challenged and is often ‘parental’ in her approach.

She now reports to me and has begun to exercise behaviors that are overbearing and controlling of my schedule and how I need to run the department. I do not want to squash her motivation nor do I want to appear to be pulling the “I am more Senior than you and am the Boss so don’t question me”... type of card. (A potential area for me to explore regarding “what is dealing with this issue with this person suppose to be teaching me” about my own Management style).

It is hard to paint the picture of her approach but here are two examples in context to give you an idea: 1) She implied I had neglected my responsibility by not going to my office before a meeting, 2) She suggested our clients come earlier the next day at a meeting when the time had been established and served everyone’s needs.

Having just taken your Communication Tendencies”, assessment and scoring as a “Likeable” I am sure you can guess that I have apprehension in taking this Employee ‘down a notch’, if you will. I am struggling to find the right words to explain that she is overbearing, out of line and operating as the Leader in circumstances that are not appropriate for her to be. Primarily because she is so very talented and I can rely on her to do anything, anytime, with complete confidence. However, I cannot help feeling stifled that she is constantly being Parental with me and assessing my own leadership capabilities constantly by having so much command in her approach to everything she does. The perception of her across the organization is that is full of command and both her Peers and Managers at my level have recognized this before.

Meryl Responds:

It wouldn’t surprise me if this employee doesn’t see a need to treat seniors differently – particularly if she’s younger and grew up in a culture where seniority counts for little. And I also agree that pulling rank would be likely to backfire.

Instead of addressing it from the angle of rank, approach it through inquiry and from the perspective of helping each other look good.

What was your reasoning in asking if they were coming earlier?
Are you aware that your question about my going to the office implied that I was remiss? I like to help you look good and I’d appreciate it if you would help me appear in the best light as well.

Also say something like this:

While I love your strength and drive, there are times to dial it back a bit to work as a part of the team. How can I help you do that without eclipsing your strengths?

How does that sound?