Comments on: Reader Questions: Responses for inappropriate questions http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2009/08/26/reader-questions-responses-for-inappropriate-questions/ By Meryl Runion and SpeakStrong, Inc. Sun, 20 Nov 2011 02:34:58 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3 By: merylrunion http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2009/08/26/reader-questions-responses-for-inappropriate-questions/comment-page-1/#comment-454043 merylrunion Fri, 04 Sep 2009 14:49:03 +0000 http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/?p=1700#comment-454043 I don't disagree at all. I did respond based on the assumption that it was a remark like commenting on how great someone looks in that sweater in a board meeting. Sometimes people go unconscious when they speak and know themselves that they were out of line once someone calls their attention to it. Even in that case I would add the words "I find" to qualify the response. If there is any chance that appropriateness is arguable and simply a matter of opinon, I like your suggestion. I don’t disagree at all. I did respond based on the assumption that it was a remark like commenting on how great someone looks in that sweater in a board meeting. Sometimes people go unconscious when they speak and know themselves that they were out of line once someone calls their attention to it. Even in that case I would add the words “I find” to qualify the response. If there is any chance that appropriateness is arguable and simply a matter of opinon, I like your suggestion.

]]> By: Tina Gjerdset http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2009/08/26/reader-questions-responses-for-inappropriate-questions/comment-page-1/#comment-454032 Tina Gjerdset Wed, 02 Sep 2009 21:46:49 +0000 http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/?p=1700#comment-454032 I have to play devil's advocate on this again. The response (all varieties) implies that the comment was inappropriate. I have to ask--who deems it inappropriate? I find that often a comment could be something factual such as " Joe was late with providing the Sales report and his numbers didn't jibe with the report from Finance" and because someone's feeling may be bruised by hearing, say a colleague of Joe's who provided data, suddenly the comment is inappropriate. I find that we must sanitize everything for fear of being deemed inappropriate or too direct or too "insert your thought." I think that we are branding those speaking as clueless, and perhaps that is harsh. Maybe the person speaking it is being direct, factual and fair with their intonation but if the receiver isn't ready to hear it or wants to stand in the agree to disagree column, somehow it always becomes the issue of the person speaking the comment. Perhaps the comment could be expanded to something such as "While others may not share this opinion, I find your comment/statement inappropriate." If I am on the receiving end of that, I would certainly ask the person to expand on the comment as to why they found it inappropriate and exactly why they felt that way. I know Meryl will set me straight if she disagree's. I have to play devil’s advocate on this again. The response (all varieties) implies that the comment was inappropriate. I have to ask–who deems it inappropriate? I find that often a comment could be something factual such as ” Joe was late with providing the Sales report and his numbers didn’t jibe with the report from Finance” and because someone’s feeling may be bruised by hearing, say a colleague of Joe’s who provided data, suddenly the comment is inappropriate. I find that we must sanitize everything for fear of being deemed inappropriate or too direct or too “insert your thought.”

I think that we are branding those speaking as clueless, and perhaps that is harsh. Maybe the person speaking it is being direct, factual and fair with their intonation but if the receiver isn’t ready to hear it or wants to stand in the agree to disagree column, somehow it always becomes the issue of the person speaking the comment.

Perhaps the comment could be expanded to something such as “While others may not share this opinion, I find your comment/statement inappropriate.”

If I am on the receiving end of that, I would certainly ask the person to expand on the comment as to why they found it inappropriate and exactly why they felt that way.

I know Meryl will set me straight if she disagree’s.

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