September 2, 2009Poison Phrase: Haven’t we already had this conversation?
Sensitive issues are tough to talk about by definition, and they get tougher when one of the participants tries to shut the conversation down. Here’s a Poison Phrase that can do that.
- Haven’t we already had this conversation?
The implication is that the conversation should be complete and the person who wants to raise it is a trouble-maker.
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Of course when it comes to my kids, often I find that I’m involved in the same conversation again and again. Not necessarily on sensitive issues, but the deja vu makes me want to say, “Haven’t we already had this conversation?” Like when every afternoon my 10-year old asks me why I won’t let him have a go-cart. Or a cell phone.
So if the phrase is being used to shut down a conversation that needs to be had or where there are still things that are left to be discussed, then it’s definitely a Poison Phrase. But I suspect there are times when someone might bring up the same topic over and over and over and over again for the sole purpose of trying to wear the other person down. In that case, I’d contend that there’s nothing wrong in saying “Haven’t we already had this conversation?” Because then you’re not shutting down new dialogue – you’re just calling a manipulator on his/her tactics.
Comment by Kris — September 4, 2009 @ 6:42 am
You’re right. I will add that in that case, I’d be more specific in calling out the tactics. I’d suggest something like:
* We’ve already discussed this, and I think you’re trying to pressure me into giving you what you want. It feels manipulative and that irritates me. I want you to drop it and accept my decision.
Make sense?
Comment by merylrunion — September 4, 2009 @ 8:29 am