September 19, 2009Poison Phrase: As usual, you are…

Filed under: Poison Phrase of the Week by merylrunion |

While searching the internet for ways to increase bile flow, I came across a post about the herb rosemary. Someone responded to the post with a reply that said,

- As usual, you are again promoting the use of herbal remedies without the mention of any potential side effects that may exist. You need to include the dangers that abound in using herbal products when you include your posts promoting this stuff.

While the point was a good one, beginning with an absolute characterization using the Poison Phrase:

- as usual, you are again

injects an adversarial tone into the discussion.

Then the

- you need to

continues in a parental tone that creates resistance. I found myself wanting to dismiss the cautions that followed, but decided to move past that and read them. They were useful, and yet they would have been more palatable had they been delivered in a less absolute and parental fashion.
I might reply to this poster by saying,

- As usual, you are again using absolute and parental Poison Phrases to frame your advice. You need to read my book PowerPhrases and formulate your observations in ways that don’t create resistance by triggering a reptilian brain response.

Of course I won’t. I won’t even say,

Thanks for adding to the discussion by pointing out the precautions regarding rosemary. FYI, I found myself resisting the words “as usual” and “you need to” because they sound adversarial to me. While I suspect this wording reflects ongoing frustration with a potentially dangerous omissions, I would find it easier to learn from your posts if the wording was more collaborative and less condemning. I suspect others would as well.

That includes fact (inspection), feeling,(connection phrase) and request (direction phrase.)

Okay. I’m ready for all kinds of observations about how my wording isn’t perfect either. I invite it – and request that you avoid the words “as usual” and “you need to” when you offer it. Of course I know you will.