October 13, 2009Reader question: personal hygiene revisited

Meryl,

I read your article about how to address personal hygiene issues. My situation is a bit different because the offender is a consumer at a mental health service. How can I tell him he needs to shower and change clothing? He’s in denial about it.

Meryl Responds,

I think the recommendations in the article can be adapted to your situation. Remember: say what you mean and mean what you say without being mean when you say it. What are the facts? How does his hygiene affect you? What do you want him to do? Why do you want him to know this? How would it benefit him?

Sometimes when people insist that what I’m asking for isn’t necessary, I’ll say,

Will you please humor me and… (honor my request… my example: double check to make sure you don’t have the check I sent you. Your example: bathe before you come in.)

Be a broken record. Calmly and gently say you’d love to sit closer but due to his lack of hygiene you will need to sit across the room. Denial is generally most easily broken with gentle repetition.