October 29, 2009Poison Phrase: Are you afraid to drive on ice and snow?
In deciding whether I would keep an appointment I had in town, I asked a friend who drove up to get something about road conditions. She gave me an accounting, and then asked,
- Are you afraid to drive on ice and snow?
I replied that I wasn’t, but that I also am aware that I’m not invincible, and I want to exercise due caution.
My friend’s words implied that the only reason not to drive on ice is fear. We often send this kind of signal without realizing it. And I have often gotten caught in the trap of other people’s definitions without knowing what happened. As I become more aware of this kind of dynamic, I can respond in ways that match my own experience rather than finding myself trapped in a box that doesn’t fit at all.
2 Comments »
RSS feed for comments on this post.
| TrackBack URI
You can also bookmark
this on del.icio.us or check the cosmos
Personally, I AM afraid to drive on ice, and anyone with any sense should be. Even if you personally drive with appropriate caution, almost nobody else is and you are completely at their mercy and the total lack of mercy of the laws of physics.
Ditto heavy fog. Some 45,000 people a year die on the highways; approximately 1 million people suffer permanent disability from the collisions they are involved in. And yes, this can mean YOU, not just someone else.
There is no shame in admitting that you are afraid to drive in dangerous conditions.
Comment by Sharon — October 30, 2009 @ 12:01 am
Sharon –
Your response reminds me… I see four options when someone makes a remark that creates a label that doesn’t quite fit.
1) Accept the label, as you do, and explain why there’s no shame in that characterization. Hence you admit to being afraid and explain why it’s appropriate.
2) Reframe the discussion in words you do relate to, as I did. I don’t think of myself as being afraid of driving on ice and snow. I think of myself as respecting them, and relating to them in appropriate ways.
3) Be defined by it, and consciously or unconsciously adopt the assumption that anyone who doesn’t drive on ice and snow is a coward,
4) React against it, and take offense.
Of course the first and second are the ones I recommend. The main thing is we were both conscious in our responses and created our own definitions of how we relate to the topic.
A few weeks ago I pulled over in ice and waited two hours not knowing what I would do. I saw some cars smaller than mine drive by with no problem and huge SUVs spin out. The sanding truck came by and I continued on at a comfortable 15 miles per hour. I might have gotten home two hours earlier had I not been “afraid,” (or cautious.) On the other hand, I might have gotten home several hours later with a car… or body… that paid a price for my bravado.
Comment by merylrunion — October 30, 2009 @ 7:21 am