November 27, 2009SpeakStrong gift ideas: Gift ideas: NIA dance, SpeakStrong, and PowerPhrases!
Did you know that most of the items in the SpeakStrong bookstore are available in ten-packs for a significant discount? They make a great gift for your employees and associates – and an affordable one.
Another great gift idea is the NIA dance DVD sets. I offer them on my SpeakStronginLove.com site. With winter closing in on us, these dance workout DVDs provide a fun way to get our bodies – and our spirits – moving. I don’t just practice NIA for the exercise – I do it for the joy of it.
So visit my stores and get both your communication and bodies moving.
November 25, 2009Poison Phrase tip: Your “walking wounded” dictionary
Yesterday my husband sat near me to tell me all about an insight he was pondering. He was still talking while he got up and started walking away. What does that say? Well, it seems to be a clear indication that he had no interest in any kind of a response. His departure seemed perfectly timed for him to have a complete say, and for me not to have a voice.
When my “stuff is up,” I experience this as a horrific dismissal. When my stuff isn’t up, I experience it as one normal way to behave, and I figure that if I do want a two-way conversation, it’s up to me to make my desire known.
When I’m emotionally triggered, addressing the dynamic is difficult because I experience a wound and reexperience many old wounds related to feeling talked at and dismissed. He senses all of that when I talk about it and is more likely to react with defensiveness. But when my stuff isn’t up, it’s a simple situation of me making my wishes known. And he responds without reacting.
That’s why I recommend that you make a list of words that trigger a bigger than life reaction in you. Then you can take responsibility for your own reactions.
Black and white language is a huge trigger for me… I find myself feeling jammed into a teeny tiny box. But when I recognize that my ire is activated because of a kind of languaging that creates a reaction in me, it’s easier for me to respond to the situation from graceful power rather than old hurts.
- Always and
- never are high on my walking wounded list.
What words are on yours?
November 25, 2009Success Story: Conversation about hygiene changes a life
One of the most popular articles I have is about how to tell someone they smell bad. I see that topic emerge in many places. Joseph Grenny, coauthor of Crucial Conversations, tells a tale of how his coming clean with a smelly friend (please forgive my pun) changed his friend’s life.
It’s at the bottom of the article addressing inappropriate attire. Scroll down or read the whole thing.
Then, if you’re ready to SpeakStrong, you can find some help with my PowerPhrase tutorial.
November 25, 2009PowerPhrase: call me at (x) instead of the number I am calling from
I call out on my Skype phone to keep my main line free and reduce phone charges. However, I prefer people call me back on my home phone since I keep my Skype phone in my office. I would leave the number to call me on, but people would still call me back on my Skype phone… until I became clearer. I started saying,
- Call me at (x) instead of the number I am calling from.
For some of my less detail-oriented friends – (whom I identify with) – I add an explanation about my calling out on Skype for emphasis.
This has resolved the issue. Sure, it “should” be enough for me to leave the number to call me back on, but since it appears not to be, the extra info does the trick.
November 22, 2009Reader Question: help – my message doesn’t make it to my tongue
Meryl,
How can I be more mentally prepared for jaw-dropping things that catch me completely off guard? I usually confront after the fact. Regardless of the person or situation, I hate the gaping-mouth feeling in these situations and I don’t like my incredibly slow response.
Response,
I have been stunned into silence on many occasions. In fact, I wrote my political communication book because I was so incredulous about some of the crazy things people said, that I could think of nothing to say. After I wrote the book I was able to respond. Not that I changed anyone’s mind…
I still have moments when my brain and tongue don’t connect – but fewer. The way I’ve unblocked the channel is by doing just what you are – formulating responses as soon as I get my brain back, even if it’s too late to respond to the offender.
If you do this, imagine you’re actually saying it. That helps for a number of reasons. One is that it helps you at least know how you would like to respond. Another is that your subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between whether you actually say it or not, and it gets recorded as a victory. Just be sure you’re not beating yourself up with the fact that you didn’t respond perfectly in the moment.
For general use, I suggest phrases like,
- I have no idea how to respond to that.
- Are you suggesting (X)?
- If I said that to you, how would you respond?
That’s just a start. PowerPhrases! has a lot of phrases. Also, My SpeakStrong book inspires the emotional intelligence and fluidity behind using PowerPhrases!. Watch my newsletter – I will be starting a study group in the next month or two.
I spent a few days with a particular family member writing down all the stuff she said that bugged me and then formulating playful responses. It completely changed my attitude toward her. I don’t get irritated by her anymore. Interesting lesson in that one – it really wasn’t about her – it was about me.
November 21, 2009PowerPhrase: What upside suggestions to you have?
Someone commented on a discussion forum that there was more talk about what is wrong with the association we belong to than what is right. She suggested,
- Let’s focus on solutions in addition to problems. If you like Seth Godin’s vernacular, then what “upside” suggestions do you have?
Nicely put. She didn’t negate the value of identifying problems, but she took it to the next level of creative solution.
November 20, 2009Sometimes language lags behind awareness…
“Sometimes language lags behind awareness…and other times awareness lags behind language.”
It’s frustrating to know what you’re talking about but not be able to express it.
It’s artificial to speak of things that exceed your understanding.
I created SpeakStrong because I know a lot more than I was able to express. It has been a wonderful tool for myself as well as my readers to help our words catch up with our awareness.
And I admit when I’m speculating.
I invite you to do the same. Because true power requires authenticity.
November 19, 2009Reader question: when someone expresses your idea as theirs
Meryl,
Often I share ideas at meetings without much response. Ten minutes later someone – a man – will say basically the same thing and everyone gets ecited. How should I deal with it?
Response,
Pay attention to how you express your idea and compare it to how they say it. Some women – and men – will suggest ideas in such a tentative way that it doesn’t sink in on a conscious level. It really could be that the person who expresses it later doesn’t even realize he (or she) is reiterating your idea.
Two possible phrases for when they present your/their idea are:
- I like the way you elaborated on the point I made earlier.
or:
- How is that different from what I said earlier?
The key is to be genuine, particularly in the questioning.
Also, ask someone you trust,
- Today in the meeting I suggested X. Five minutes later Joe said Y, which was almost exactly what I had said. Why did people dismiss what I said and embrace what Joe said? How can I present my ideas more convincingly?
November 18, 2009Women in male-dominated industries
One of my clients just wrote me that before she read PowerPhrases!, the only communication tool she had in her toolbox was a hammer.
She’s a woman in a male-dominated industry. I just presented a webinar for her professional association. The questions centered around how to communicate as a woman in an industry that hasn’t yet figured out that women are now prominent in the workforce.
Women actually can have an advantage in those settings. Why? Because women tend to use more tools than just a hammer.
Are you interested in participating in a tele-forum about women in male-dominated industries? Let me know if you are. And tell me if you prefer a day time or evening event.
November 18, 2009Great discussion in the Washington Post about Speaking Strong, truth and tact.
Read the discussion here. http://bit.ly/1b1iFo
Here’s my favorite: below and elaborated at the following link. http://bit.ly/XE4SY
