November 19, 2009Reader question: when someone expresses your idea as theirs

Meryl,

Often I share ideas at meetings without much response. Ten minutes later someone – a man – will say basically the same thing and everyone gets ecited. How should I deal with it?

Response,

Pay attention to how you express your idea and compare it to how they say it. Some women – and men – will suggest ideas in such a tentative way that it doesn’t sink in on a conscious level. It really could be that the person who expresses it later doesn’t even realize he (or she) is reiterating your idea.

Two possible phrases for when they present your/their idea are:

I like the way you elaborated on the point I made earlier.

or:

How is that different from what I said earlier?

The key is to be genuine, particularly in the questioning.

Also, ask someone you trust,

Today in the meeting I suggested X. Five minutes later Joe said Y, which was almost exactly what I had said. Why did people dismiss what I said and embrace what Joe said? How can I present my ideas more convincingly?