November 25, 2009Success Story: Conversation about hygiene changes a life
One of the most popular articles I have is about how to tell someone they smell bad. I see that topic emerge in many places. Joseph Grenny, coauthor of Crucial Conversations, tells a tale of how his coming clean with a smelly friend (please forgive my pun) changed his friend’s life.
It’s at the bottom of the article addressing inappropriate attire. Scroll down or read the whole thing.
Then, if you’re ready to SpeakStrong, you can find some help with my PowerPhrase tutorial.
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Have any of you considered the many medical reasons why a person may have a particular smell? I know of someone who has a rectocele, tissue of the rectum herniating into the vaginal wall. It’s not severe enough for surgery (thank god, because this is part of the reason it appeared) but it does cause annoying and unpleasant ‘leakage’ from the rectum. She makes numerous trips to the bathroom to clean herself and is constantly spaying her chair and immediate area with Febreeze. Must she divulge her entire medical history to an idiotic and unsensitive co-worker before they back off? Do you think such an embarrasing/forced revelation of her medical history will make her a better worker? Perhaps what the snooty-noses of today need is a little tolerance. Or should we all comment on each other’s smell/perfume/amount of sweat/hair growth etc?
Comment by Tina — January 10, 2010 @ 2:18 pm
A simple,
* I am aware of the issue. It’s a medical challenge and I do everything I can to mitigate it.
..would suffice.
Many people are not aware of their odors. The story you commented on gives an example of someone who made a positive difference in someone’s life by letting them know. I would imagine that you are more able to empathize with your colleague because you know it’s something she struggles with, not a situation that she isn’t aware of or that she dismissively ignores. The person who is in a position of deciding whether to speak up doesn’t know if it’s something someone could fix. I see many offices where people talk about an odor to everyone but the person with the issue. It is career restricting, but no one speaks to the person with the issue.
Tolerance goes both ways, and when our circumstances affect others, it’s up to us to be tolerant of well-meaning people who have the courage to graciously address a sensitive issue without labeling them as snooty-nosed or intolerant. Should they actually force a detailed revelation of the medical history, that would be another story. We aren’t talking about that.
Were it me, I would rather have people know that I was doing everything I could to deal with the problem than to think I was that unaware or didn’t care.
Comment by merylrunion — January 10, 2010 @ 3:04 pm
There are over a hundred medical conditions that can cause unpleasant body odor. It is also possible that the person is unable to smell their own odor due to other medical conditions. To refuse to address the issue is doing everyone a disservice.
If a person knows that they have a medical condition causing the odor, and they are doing what they can about it, then enough has been said. Compassion is essential.
However, if they do not know they have an odor problem, or know it but have not gotten to the bottom of the medical problem, then they need to follow up on it.
The conditions that cause unpleasant body odor can be extremely serious, and are generally (but not always) treatable enough to remove the odor issue. There are some inborn errors of metabolism that can’t be treated effectively.
Even if it is a “family thing” running in the family, they should still find out what is behind it in case it is a serious medical problem.
Bad hygiene may well reflect a mental illness such as depression, or a very bad situation in the person’s life that is preventing either time or energy for bathing. Perhaps they have a very ill family member, or a child that needs extra care, or any of a thousand situations. Assistance in dealing with these issues would go a long ways towards really helping a “smelly employee.”
Comment by Sharon — January 10, 2010 @ 8:49 pm