December 24, 200938,000,000 plus hits on tech blog illustrates a New (Rule) Dynamic of Communication
“Is it me?” I wondered as I tried to find properties in Word 2007. It was simple in Word 2003. Help was characteristically unhelpful. So once again I conduct a Google search to learn what I thought should be straightforward information. Misery loved company, so I was pleased to discover that the blogs were full of people who shared my frustration. I had to read through several comments and complaints before I got to the answer, ( Alt f) but at least I found the answer. It was certainly faster than help would have been.
One commenter noted:
It’s amazing that Google has this listed with 38,000,000 plus hits.
Microsoft might want to pay attention to the chatter and find a way to be the hero instead of the chump in these quests.
What’s the New (Rule) Dynamic of Communication we see in action? It’s like the architect who builds a building but waits to see where people create paths before she builds sidewalks. The sidewalks go where people want them, not where people decide they should be.
If Microsoft paid attention to the ways people get information from bloggers like the blogger who helped me find properties in Word 2007, they could discover how to make their own help helpful.
So the New Rule is to answer the questions people are asking, not the ones you think they should ask.
December 18, 2009Infectious love and joy strikes again
I had a lovely day with a new friend, Sherry, yesterday. The sweetest part of a day already full of sweetness was when we talked about a class our mutual friend, J.A. taught.
Sherry paused, gave a wistful look and said,
- The class just reminded me how much I love J.A.
Something about Sherry’s genuine expression of love reminded me of how precious J.A. is to me as well. Sherry’s love was infectious, and I caught the bug.
I hope that particular bug gets you, too, this holiday season. And, that like Sherry, you give voice to it.
I told J.A. that I had taken part in an impromptu J.A. fan club meeting.
December 14, 2009Code white, change and the willingness to see things as they are
My book SpeakStrong divides the Speak Strong process into five steps. The first step is to be willing to see things as they are. I call it: Commit to code white.
That comes from a process that some groups of nurses apply, where if a nurse notices someone is verbally abusive to another nurse, she calls out a Code White. The nurses congregate around the offender and silently watch.
I demonstrated the power of Code White in a SpeakStrong seminar for inner city youth. I instructed my volunteer “nurses” in the code. I had a volunteer “doctor” unfairly criticize another “nurse.” I called a Code White, and my group of nurses gathered around and silently watched.
“Doctor Fisher” fell silent. I invited him to continue. “With all these people watching?” he asked. The point was as clear as it could be. There is power in quiet observation. Too often we perpetuate an offense by pretending it isn’t happening. Code White doesn’t solve all of our communication challenges, but it’s a strong first step. I have eight skill sets based on it in my SpeakStrong book. Why haven’t you ordered yours yet?
December 14, 2009Inner city youth: listen with heart and quit when you’re ahead
I spoke to a group of inner city youth last week. Actually, I listened a lot too. And I related from my own experience when a couple of people’s well-intended words didn’t quite come out as they had hoped.
“Misty,” a teacher, mentioned she was glad the group was being exposed to the information, because her brother had died in high school, and she never had the kind of communication with him she would have wanted. She explained how prone they were to fight.
“Roper” replied that fighting was probably how they showed each other they loved each other. Misty said, yes, but it wasn’t the kind of relationship she wanted to have.
Misty’s words carried an emotional impact that caught the attention of this lively group. I was grateful for them.
Roper’s comment sounded like it might have been a negation of Misty’s sentiments. And Misty’s response sounded like it might have been a negation of Roper’s comment.
But to anyone who listened with their heart, both were speaking with the intent of uplifting and inspiring the other. It might have been more evident had they each acknowledged the other’s contribution before they offered alternative perspectives. But to an ear that listens to intent, that omission can be overlooked.
As we closed for the day, one of the students thanked me for coming. He went on to acknowledge my being on time. Somehow the conversation went downhill into a discussion of a teacher’s “late arrival.” (Both he and I had arrived early, the teacher was on time.) What started out as a gracious remark started to go downhill.
So we decided to quit while we were still ahead.
You don’t have to be an inner city youth to have your words come across in a less gracious manner than intended. Fortunately for this group, they have teachers that know how to listen with their hearts. I hope you’re lucky enough to have people who listen with theirs.
December 13, 2009David Meerman Scott recommends questions to overcome resistance to change
David Meerman Scott opened his keynote speech at the Business Marketing Association 2009 national “Unlearn” conference by asking the audience to answer a few questions.
- In the last 1 -2 months, how many answered a direct mail ad? 3% raised their hands.
- In the last 1-2 months, how many of you used mainstream media to research a product you wanted to buy? 22% raised their hands.
- In the last 1-2 months, how many of you used print yellow pages to decide where to buy something? 3 % raised their hands.
- In the last 1-2 months, how many of you used Google or some other search engine to research a product you wanted to buy? 100% raised their hands.
- How many of you used your peer to peer network for input via electronic media – facebook, twitter etc, and the answer you receive was a URL? 80% raised their hands.
Later in the presentation, someone asked how to overcome resistance from company executives. Scott replied that the same questions he asked his own audiences can be effective with management.
Why?
Because there is nothing like our own experience to convince us something is true. And there is nothing that can connect someone to their our own experience like questions.
Scott’s blog is here.
December 13, 2009Power Phrase: that is not the response I was going for…
The Detective Mom received disappointing responses from her kids when she dressed up for a holiday party. Her daughter exclaimed,
- You remind me of nachos.
and one of her sons simply remarked,
- What the heck?
She would have preferred comments along the lines of,
- Wow! Or,
- Mommy is beautiful! Or even a,
- You look like you could be a professional model!
While I laughed at the comments, it occurred to me that her title was the biggest gem in the post. What do yo say when you put out an effort, only to find that no one applauds? I like the phrase,
- That’s not the response I was going for.
It’s true and honest, but does not contain judgment. Sounds like a PowerPhrase to me!
December 13, 2009PowerPhrase: Landowner letter explains why beavers do not need pond permits
Publishers weekly lists some pretty funny reasons why customers reject bookseller’s recommendations. But the most interesting post for me from a SpeakStrong perspective is tangential.
In a letter written to a Pennsylvania governing board, the land owner had been told he didn’t have a permit for the recent ponds built on his property. He wrote a hilarious letter about why the beavers, the pond engineers, didn’t need one.
I can imagine that the tempting response for the homeowner was one of anger. However, humor often takes the bite out of a conflict while hitting home.
Well, I also like this post, which illustrates how wrong our communication assumptions can be.
As a life-long Science Fiction and Fantasy fan, I always loved striking up conversations with my fellow nerds in the SF&F section of the bookshop where I worked. One day I began what I thought was an interesting discussion with a gent there, and recommended several things to him. After a moment he said “You know books that expand your mind, make you want to think, make you question the nature of humanity and wonder why and how we do the things we do? Yeah, I hate that s**t. Gimme something with dinosaurs or a war.”
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Related posts which may interest you
- The freedom to be lighthearted
- PowerPhrase ~ Hit the ground dancing
- PowerPhrase: We must be operating under different assumptions, because your comments don’t add up for me.
- May 13, 1986: The Wake-up Call I Only Had to Lose Everything For
- Reader Question: When Families Condemn – Stop the Toxic Gossip
December 11, 2009Success Story: The power of kindness in the face of desperation
It’s a SpeakStrong success story ala Les Miserables. Last June a shopkeeper
thwarted a thief’s attempts, and then gave him $40 and a loaf of bread, with
the condition he would never steal again. Six months later, the thief sent
the shopkeeper a letter and $50. The letter told the shopkeeper that his
kindness turned his life around.
The shopkeeper used power to stop the attempt, but then used kindness to
awaken the robber’s humanity. Power can serve us in the moment. Ultimately
grace is more powerful.
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Related posts which may interest you
- Power tweet @dmscott stop what you are doing and watch
- This Week in the World ~ Big stories, myths, and accumulating power
- New Communication Dynamics @Smartmemes: SpeakStrong e.g. admins change office power memes while negotiating workload
- PowerPhrase: Landowner letter explains why beavers do not need pond permits
- Reader Success Story: / The rejection letter that resulted in an endorsementBlindsided by the boss
December 10, 2009PowerPhrase: Dangerous pedestals
It’s human nature to want to support people who are gracious and undermine people who aren’t. When someone is on a pedestal, they have a long way to fall. As speaker coach Jane Atkinson observes, Tiger Woods illustrated this point in technicolor.
Jane’s advice is to back away form the pedestal.
It’s too easy to believe your own press. If you talk a good game but don’t walk it, you’ll go through life with a target on your back.
This comes under step 3 in Speaking Strong, which is to Mean What You Say. I detail it in the section of my SpeakStrong book called “Protect the Power” because that’s what it does. The specific chapter is titled “Match your talk and your walk.”
Don’t play small. Just avoid a superhuman image you can’t live up to. And if someone tries to pin one on you, let them know,
- I’m comfortable with who I am and proud of what I do. I am also humbly aware of my limits, and wary of being placed on a pedestal. Please relate to me as the human that I am.
December 10, 2009PowerPhrase: This is an exciting project!
Some of the people I work with are all business. But others are more fun. I can tell my new editor at McGraw Hill hasn’t lost his juice by things he says here and there. Like his comment on a new proposal. He noted,
- This is an exciting project!
Sometimes I get the sense that people think I’m unprofessional for being emotionally engaged. That real pros would only make a comment like “this will be lucrative.” But for me and others like me, just a few words – five in this case – add another dimension to work. I’m not a writing machine cranking away an impersonal product. It is way more fun to work with people who see you as an individual and are willing to share some humanity.
