December 14, 2009Inner city youth: listen with heart and quit when you’re ahead

Filed under: Power Phrase Quick Tip by merylrunion |

I spoke to a group of inner city youth last week. Actually, I listened a lot too. And I related from my own experience when a couple of people’s well-intended words didn’t quite come out as they had hoped.

“Misty,” a teacher, mentioned she was glad the group was being exposed to the information, because her brother had died in high school, and she never had the kind of communication with him she would have wanted. She explained how prone they were to fight.

“Roper” replied that fighting was probably how they showed each other they loved each other. Misty said, yes, but it wasn’t the kind of relationship she wanted to have.

Misty’s words carried an emotional impact that caught the attention of this lively group. I was grateful for them.

Roper’s comment sounded like it might have been a negation of Misty’s sentiments. And Misty’s response sounded like it might have been a negation of Roper’s comment.

But to anyone who listened with their heart, both were speaking with the intent of uplifting and inspiring the other. It might have been more evident had they each acknowledged the other’s contribution before they offered alternative perspectives. But to an ear that listens to intent, that omission can be overlooked.

As we closed for the day, one of the students thanked me for coming. He went on to acknowledge my being on time. Somehow the conversation went downhill into a discussion of a teacher’s “late arrival.” (Both he and I had arrived early, the teacher was on time.) What started out as a gracious remark started to go downhill.

So we decided to quit while we were still ahead.

You don’t have to be an inner city youth to have your words come across in a less gracious manner than intended. Fortunately for this group, they have teachers that know how to listen with their hearts. I hope you’re lucky enough to have people who listen with theirs.