December 8, 2009Reader question: How do I tell CUSTOMERS they smell bad?
Meryl,
My question is regarding customers that smell bad and no one wants to wait on them. They clear out our seating area for our deli when they come to our store and our manager will not say anything, but I believe it is hurting our business, because people leave and don’t want to come back when these people are in the restaurant area. The smell is awful, but the couple (a mother and son) seem like they might be nice, but no one can get close enough to talk to them, so who knows. What can we do????
Meryl responds:
Judy, I’m going to pass this question on to readers. Has anyone handled this one effectively?
December 6, 2009Poison Phrase: I feel left out of the process
This Poison Phrase relates to the previous PowerPhrase. The PowerPhrase was a direct request to be included in the shopping process. The Poison Phrase is the complaint,
- I feel left out of the process.
This isn’t the most poisonous way Ashley could have communicated. It’s far better than saying something like,
- You don’t trust me to buy my own vacuum.
I include it here, however, because it still comes across as a complaint, and asking for what you want is more positive and effective.
December 6, 2009PowerPhrase: I want to be included in the process
Ashley was surprised when her husband bought her a vacuum after she mentioned she wanted a new one. While he usually made good selections, but she wanted to be involved in decisions she would have to live with.
For a while she stewed, but she knows that resentment is a clear sign something needs to be said. She told him,
- While you’re great at selecting things, I want to be included in the process.
She had to repeat that one many times before he understood what that meant.
December 5, 2009PowerPhrase: Please turn to the families with children and send them love to let them know how graced we are to have them here.
I attended a ceremony in a church last night that was attended by families. The few small children and infants were relatively quiet but did punctuate events with occasional outbursts and cries. The minister paused and asked the community to,
- Please turn to the families with children and send them love to let them know how graced we are to have them here.
I’m an empty nester, but I remember the discomfort of feeling pressured to keep a relatively quiet child perfectly quiet because I didn’t know who he might disturb.
Whenever there is an elephant in the living room – something happening that doesn’t escape notice, it usually puts everyone at ease when someone addresses it outright.
December 5, 2009Poison Phrase: You don’t look old
Bob commented that many of his client’s parents are younger than he is. His client asked his age and he told her, she exclaimed,
- OMG… you don’t LOOK old.
A tip for the youngsters – most people I know in their 50′s and 60′s don’t think they’re old.
Of course it’s a matter of perspective.
December 4, 2009PowerPhrase: Why are you pressuring me right now?
This is one of those “what I could have said” PowerPhrases. I didn’t think of it at the time because I wasn’t aware of the dynamic.
A friend and I were having a philosophical discussion. It was a friendly sharing of ideas… until one point where his tone became aggressive. He was challenging my questions as if they were ridiculous. I responded with clarity, but later realized the conversation would have been more fun for me if I had challenged his tone and brought it back to friendly interplay. A simple way to do that is to ask,
- Why are you pressuring me right now?
Or I could have said,
- I feel pressured right now. Is that intentional?
It wasn’t a wasted opportunity – it was a learning opportunity. Perhaps next time it happens – with him or someone else – I will become aware in time to speak up for my preferred style of conversation.
December 4, 2009SpeakStrong: The tyranny of constant monitoring
It’s something creativity coaches and executives know. Constant monitoring can actually inhibit development. If you feel pressure to demonstrate an immediate result, you will make choices that inhibit long term growth. If you evaluate your ideas before they have had time to develop… if you need to show a profit at the end of the quarter… you won’t have the freedom to go down roads that don’t make you look good right away.
Speaking Strong is the same way. If you constantly monitor your progress, you will inhibit true growth. You need to give up old coping strategies and practice skills that are less familiar to you. that path doesn’t always look pretty.
That said, I gave an interview today that reminded me how far I’ve come since my early days of wimphood. This interviewer didn’t have a strong grasp on interview skills, which left the burden of making the interview interesting to me. I was pleased with the result, and knew that I never would have been able to accomplish an interview like that in past years.
So now I’ll go back to my continued growth without worrying about the inevitable foot-in-mouth moments. I invite you to join me in the less traveled path. Keep on Speaking Strong.
