March 2, 2010HBR post nails the need to consider image in choosing words and Speaking Strong
What kind of person are you?
Are you the kind of person who works cheap? Are you the kind of person who helps those in need?
Peter Bregman highlights the importance of asking for things in ways that enhance self image in an article about motivation in Harvard Business Review. Bregman reported that when AARP asked some lawyers if they would reduce their fee to $30 an hour to help needy retirees, the lawyers declined. Then they asked the lawyers if they would do it for free. The lawyers agreed.
Bregman explains that when we consider whether to do something, we subconsciously ask ourselves: “Am I the kind of person who . . ?” When the lawyers were offered $30 an hour their question was “Am I the kind of person who works for $30 an hour?” Their answer was no. When they were asked to do it as a favor, they asked themselves, “Am I the kind of person who helps people in need?” Their answer to that question was yes.
Fascinating! Think of the implications. And then, think of what kind of person the people in your life think they are – and how your words might challenge or enhance those images.
Non-profit meeting planners sometimes ask me if I will speak for an honorarium instead of asking if I would speak for a reduced fee.
Writing partners will ask if their buddies would welcome input instead of if they need help.
Good managers say they will ask their staff to do things instead of saying they will tell them to do things.
People who speak for honorariums, receive input and are asked to do things feel different from those who reduce their fees, need help and are told what to do.
When you pick your words, stay aware of what kind of person you are signaling the other person to be. Choose words that dynamize their self-images and create momentum.
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What you say makes complete sense. How you word a request can greatly affect the response others have, and can nudge people toward more magnanimous results.
One thing I would add… My husband is an attorney involved in lots of VLP (Volunteer Lawyers Project) cases. When his firm looks at his statistics for the year, it actually hurts him more if he has done greatly discounted work than it does if he has completely donated his time on a case. Discounted work hurts his Realization Rate, and reflects poorly on him, whereas volunteer work doesn’t affect that stat. So there is a penalty in his firm for being “cheap”, but not for being a volunteer. (Although he’s still expected to bill his quota of hours too!)
Comment by Kris — March 8, 2010 @ 7:27 am
Great insight in this observation. The wording doesn’t just affect our own framing and self-image. It affects how others see us too. It’s even institutionalized! A Realization Rate…
This also shows how what we measure affects our choices. BTW, I’ve heard of some high-priced speakers who say they won’t discount their fees but the will speak for free.
Comment by merylrunion — March 8, 2010 @ 8:18 am