March 2, 2010PowerPhrase: Let me give you gas money
Our neighbor loves his snow plow, so we regularly get plowed out before the snow even stops. We love that. Instead of asking our beneficiary if he could pay him for plowing, my husband said,
- Let me give you $20 for gas.
Now, there’s no way our little driveway took that much gas. But had Bob offered to pay, it would have diminished the magnanimousness of the neighbor’s service. By considering it gas money, he could still tell himself, “I’m the kind of guy who helps his neighbor.” Which, of course, he is. And we’re the kind of people who like to show our appreciation. It’s all in how we think about things.
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I have just read this powerphrase Re: neigbor loving his snowplow. I have a snow plow. I love my little snow plow. When I finish plowing my driveway I would venture over to our neighbors driveway. My neighbor has come over many of times with his snowblower.
I have never asked for money. I wouldn’t dream of it, even if he offered. I look at it this way. We are neighbors. We have to get along with each other. So if I used up a couple of liters of gas. So what.
The reason what prompted me to respond is that I have a neighbor named Bob and I hope it is not him who has written this piece. If he ever wanted to offer me money I would refuse. It would be childish.
Comment by maurice smook — March 3, 2010 @ 11:52 pm
Nice comment, Maurice. There is another aspect to this story for me. My husband Bob gives more freely than he receives. Anytime someone gives him something or does something for him, he immediately tries to even the balance. At first, I saw offering the money as his not wanting to let the plowing be a gift from neighbors. But in our case, both neighbors who have plowed our driveway seemed happy to have the “gas money.” And calling it gas money made it clear this isn’t creating a business dynamic filled with expectations – it’s still a neighborly exchange. It’s how we chip in in lieu of a snow blower.
Money can be very symbolic. Money as payment symbolizes a transactional relationship and can take away from the gift. Gas money symbolizes chipping in in a spirit of mutual exchange. And if our offer were refused, the fact that we offered creates more of a sense if balance. It might sound complicated and unnecessary, but the fact is we do attach symbolic meaning to things and we make these calculations unconsciously.
If I were your neighbor and I offered you money and you refused, I would gladly receive your plowing as a gift knowing that plowing was a pleasure in itself for you.
Comment by merylrunion — March 4, 2010 @ 8:17 am