April 29, 2010Post about owning problems tells Jets coach how to manage player via twitter
David Schlossberg suggested an interesting response to a twitter post from a player who complained about not getting to play enough. The post is titled Owning your problems.
“One last example. A Jets player twittered about his lack of play time. The coach responded by benching the player for a week. Problem solved.
If I was the coach, how would I own this problem? I would have twittered back:
@davidclowney work harder and you’ll get more play time. Now put your phone down and get back to practice.
That’s owning your problem, and with 34 characters to spare.”
I confess – I rather like it.
April 28, 2010Scary voice mails. Consider yours from the receiver perspective.
This voice mail wasn’t as scary as the message the FBI agent left. I didn’t know for days that he was calling to hire me to speak. And it wasn’t as scary as the IRS agent’s message. She called to hire me too.She might have mentioned the order of her business in her voice mail.
It wasn’t as scary as those messages, but it did get my adrenaline going. It was from a CD replicator who was filling a rush order for me. I had to get this order on time. So when he left a message today – the day the order should ship – that message said,
- Call me. I need to talk to you.
I was unnerved. I also was in a meeting and couldn’t call for several hours.
He had called to tell me about a change in how the invoice would be formatted. My order had shipped.
Do you have tales like this? Have you received voice mails that left your imagination racing? And have you done the same?
Don’t leave scary voice mails. Consider them from your receiver’s perspectives. Especially if you work for the FBI or the IRS.
April 28, 2010Awesome pics from Iceland volcano show it’s not just about cancelled flights.
I’ve heard a lot more about people stranded in airport that the ground reality in Iceland these days. Being half Icelandic, I was grateful to receive these pictures. They tell quite a story. You can see more at boston.com, here.
April 27, 2010Poison Phrase: Don’t talk about things you are passionate about
I’m reading Stephen Demming’s Secret Language of Leadership. He gives a critique of Al Gore’s presidential campaign and observes that Gore was coached,
-Don’t talk about things you’re passionate about.
Well, maybe not in those exact words.
I remember one of my first presentations I made 30+ years ago. I was ready to start when my mentor told me to leave out a few topics that I cared about. It shut me completely down. The presentation was a disaster.
What we’re passionate about is what we need to talk about.
April 26, 2010Poison Phrase: I want you to…
I heard other trainers use the phrase,
- I want you to
a lot, and I started to use it too. Phrases like,
-I want you to try this with your boss.
It has a certain power to it. I never had anyone complain, but it never felt quite right to me.
In my research for the leader development book I’m writing, I came across a site that says to stay away from that phrase because it is disempowering and authoritarian. It sends a message that I’m one up and the other is one down. Truthfully, there are some attendees at seminars who like that. They want a mommy or daddy to tell them what to do. Most deserve more credit, and even those who like thinking the speaker as it all figured out and is imparting the answers from on high are better off with one who gives them information and recommendations and let them decide what THEY want to do. There’s a new dynamic of communication, and we’re not talking to each other like children anymore.
And we’re trading power for influence. Such a deal!
April 26, 2010Poison Phrase: We can’t proceed without approval
It’s a subtle distinction, but when I received an email that said,
-We can’t proceed without your approval,
something didn’t seem quite right. When I translated it in my mind into
- We need your approval to proceed,
it felt better. This is the kind of distinction I edit constantly in my own writing. The revised version puts more emphasis on what the sender wants and on forward momentum.
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- Poison Phrase of the Week: For that reason
- Time to tie things up: Perfect Phrases for Managers and Supervisors second edition gives phrases for humane employment termination
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- PowerPhrase: Glad we got that mistake out of the way. How can we use it to move forward?
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April 26, 2010Poison Phrase: I don’t want…
I wish I had an alarm that would ring every time I type
- I don’t want.
That would remind me to rephrase and ask for what I DO want. This morning started to type to my webmaster that,
- I don’t want to make piecemeal shopping cart changes.
I caught myself and retyped,
- I do want to make these changes as part of a broad plan.
It sounds much better to sender and to receiver to talk about what we DO want.
April 24, 2010Q clarity – a surprisingly simple way to enhance team email communication
Q clarity. It’s one of the new codes my team and I decided to implement in our emails. We’ll be sharing our codes and complete clarity covenant soon, but for now, I’ll share this one. It’s deceptively simple. Here it it.
When we send an email with a question, we put a Q in the subject line and a Q next to the question.
When we send an email with 2 questions, we put 2Q into the subject line and put a Q by both questions.
When we send an email with 3 questions, you put… well… you get the picture.
Why is this so effective?
- It forces us to ask clear questions instead of throwing out questions as statements. “Maybe we should do this” becomes “Should we do this?”
- When questions are clear, answers are clear.
- When we have 3 questions in the subject line and 3 questions marked in the body, we stand an excellent chance of getting 3 answers.
I have lots more email tips in articles on my SpeakStrong article page. I can always use more – and would love to read about what’s working for you.
April 23, 2010In charge but not promoted. What to say?
Meryl,
Last September I interviewed for an internal job opening and promotion. My boss told me I was well qualified and I’d hear in three months. It is now April and it has been 6 months and no word. I need a way to come across to her, that isn’t rude because I am really feeling ‘used’. With all of the things I do and all of the people I have trained I am ‘in charge’, I just don’t understand why there is no promotion. Can you please help?
Response:
Since your boss said it would be three months, you had every right to inquire at three months. I don’t generally generalize by gender, but it has been clearly demonstrated that one of the big reasons men earn more than the women is because men ask more. You are well within the bounds of reason and good sense to simply say,
- Do you have an update on the Lead opening for me?
If the answer is no, ask,
- When can I bring it up again?
When that time comes, go ahead and bring it up again.
If it’s true you are in the position defacto, say so. Say,
- We spoke of a promotion and I’m doing the work without it. How can we resolve this?
She is probably under external constraints, so she might be doing all she can do. If so, she might welcome the opportunity to explain the delay.
April 23, 2010Looking for a good resource to prepare for your own performance review?
Meryl,
I’m looking for your ideas on a good book that will help me write my own employee evaluations – example of bullet statements for work as an employee. I own your book Perfect Phrases for Managers and Supervisors and Power Phrases but I need something like your Perfect Phrases for a manager but instead, Perfect Phrases for an Employee. J
What are your thoughts? I always seem to struggle and performance reviews will be coming soon.
Reply
My How to Say it Performance Reviews has an employee prep section – it’s designed for managers to ask employees to prepare, but you can take the advice as your own. You’ll find it available here. Employee Review Prep Form Also, you could use some of the phrases I supply for managers. Readers? What do you recommend?
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