April 23, 2010Facing the fire yields useful feedback for newsletter appeal: Success Story
I assumed Joy meant to hit forward and hit reply instead. It was a copy of my newsletter with the question – “do you want me to keep forwarding these? There seems to be less and less each time.”
So I hit reply. I said,
- Oops – I think you set me this by mistake. But since you did, would you be willing to explain what you liked better about my newsletter before? it could be really useful to me.”
Joy replied with specific useful observations.
- She likes the success stories and I haven’t been including many lately.
- I refer readers online more than I had and she doesn’t want to go online.
- And the examples seem to be more general and less about how to handle your typical business challenges than they once were.
Joy’s words were well thought-out, well communicated and easy to digest. I won’t be customizing my newsletter for her, but I will be making changes.
It was a happy accident that gave me information I wanted. I’m glad I faced the fire and asked for feedback. And I thank her for being so considered in her response.
P.S. Joy’s daughter answered her question about whether she wanted her mother to keep forwarding the newsletter. Joy’s daughter was quite specific as well about why she does want to keep getting them.
April 23, 2010PowerPhrases for grief. “Tell me about (name)”
Speakernet News is an excellent resource for anyone who speaks. This week’s edition had an endorsement of how grief expert Dr. Alan Wolfelt handled the topic of grief with an audience. He said the best way to approach someone who is grieving is to say things like,
- Tell me about (loved one)
and then to listen intently.
Alan didn’t just tell the group to do this. He did it with the audience. He then responded by saying, for example,
- It sounds like your grandmother really taught you a lot of lessons without making them feel like lessons. What a wonderful lady!
What a great way to be sensitive to someone’s loss and a great way to help an audience know how to handle someone’s loss.
April 20, 2010@getstoried PowerPhrase: Who controls this story?
In the brilliant Michael Margolis post You Can’t Change Something You Hate, Michael recommends asking,
- Who controls this story?
He says,
“In any given situation, a dominant story already exists. Who controls this story? It might be your biggest competitor, a recognized adversary, or the established social norm. You need to crack the existing code before you can socialize your own story into reality.”
Michael is a story telling expert. I suggest you use this phrase to take charge of your communication. Notice if someone else is controlling your story when you speak.
- I can’t be happy because they…
or anything similar puts someone else front and center stage. Even if you’re against something, you are still defined by it. Be it the competition or the person who doesn’t respect you or the patriarchy or the government, unhook from letting others control your story. Make your story YOUR story. A YOU original.
April 20, 2010@getstoried Michael Margolis gives Izzie a bum rap. Stand up for your inner reptile!
If you’ve heard me speak, you’ve probably met Izzie, my personification of the reptilian brain. 
And you know that Izzie is a bit like electricity. If you approach him/it with savvy and respect, you can harness a lot of power.
That’s why I take issue with Michael Margolis’ suggestion that we avoid triggering the reptilian brain.
Stand up for your inner reptile! Too many teachers give Izzie a bum rap. Izzie is an important part of our think/feel/want – thoughts/emotion/ action, communication dream team. We don’t want to negate him nor do we want to approach him recklessly. We want to treat him like electricity – with respect for his power.
I will say, this is one tiny issue I have with an otherwise brilliant blog post. You can’t change anything you hate.
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Related posts which may interest you
- Discussion Topic ~ Names for brainlet critters
- What do you do when you get choked up during a critical conversation?
- 3 ways to charm your lizard brain instead of ignoring him. Snake charming lessons.
- PowerPhrase: What would you do if you didn’t feel intimidated/guilty/vengeful?
- PowerPhrase: I do not have time to hate, an emotional alchemy map
April 20, 2010PowerPhrase: You’re a big sister now.
I’m listening to Joan Borysenko tell the story of a grandmother who marked her second grandchild’s birth by buying her 3 year old grandchild a “big sister chair.” She did it as a rite of passage to help her first granddaughter transition from being the only child to a new status. It shifted her focus from the loss of her status to stepping into a new status. It said,
- You’re a big sister now.
We all could use acknowledgment when we transition.
April 20, 2010Poison Phrase: You can get my phone number from caller ID
A service provider called me this week to cancel her appointment with me a half hour before we were scheduled to meet. To add insult to injury, she told me to call her back on a mutual friend’s cell phone, but didn’t leave the number. I had to look the number up.
Just now my husband told me a potential client left a message and said,
- You can get my phone number from caller ID.
He’s busy, and like many professionals, finds the 80/20 rule applies to what he does. 20 percent of his clients take up 80 percent of his time. Little inconsideration like this one often indicate this is likely to be one of those 20 percenters. Take the time to make things easier for others. It leaves a much better impression.
In case you’re wondering, this pic isn’t me and it’s sure not my hubby. It’s a stock photo.
April 19, 2010Detective Mom is the best blog out there
I can’t figure out how to tie this in to a Speak Strong topic, so I’ll just say it. The Detective Mom is my favorite blog of all. It makes me laugh out loud at.
Her latest post is about what her youngest son did when their new puppy relieved himself in the garden. We all need to be careful about who we emulate!
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Related posts which may interest you
- PowerPhrase: Exaggeration as a humor tool
- Semantics, PowerPhrase: Boy who is “too old for hugs” is willing to “tackle gently.”
- Kid Poison Phrase: I’ll run get help in case you get hurt
- Dumping and Preaching are not Speaking Strong
- PowerPhrases for phone calls and texting popular with the 3 yr old crowd
April 18, 2010Twenty-somethings SpeakStrong communication
Hello Speak Strong Readers! I would like to formally introduce myself. My name is Ashley, I am Meryl’s Communications Director. I joined Meryl this past winter, coming from a marketing and customer service background. I will be addressing issues for twenty somethings as they are transitioning into a professional environment, and dealing with communication issues in school, work and personal life. I look forward to engaging in the Speak Strong community!
April 17, 2010Phrase got young employee to grow up and show up
When Lee called the night before her first day on the job to ask if she could come a half hour late, Brad didn’t think much about it. The work could be done at any time and being flexible was easy.
When Lee called fifteen minutes before she was supposed to arrive to ask if she could delay another half hour, Brad wondered but said it would be fine. Lee did a great job and Brad hired her to come back to work more the following week and continue on an ongoing basis.
the next week, Lee called a half hour before she was due and said,
- How’s the weather up there?
There was a bit of fog, but it was clear and became more clear that Lee wanted to change the day and hoped the weather would give her an out.
It didn’t, and so Lee asked if she could come later in the week. Brad asked her why she was calling a half hour before she was due to ask, and Lee hedged. Brad kept asking until Lee said something that made sense.
It actually worked well for Brad to change the day, but he made his point clearly and graciously. He said,
- When an adult makes an appointment with me, I expect them to honor it, give me plenty of notice, or at least have a good reason.
Lee not only agreed, but reassured him that she valued the work and would be accountable. She called him again a half hour later to say,
- How can I regain your trust?
Brad assured her that by calling, she had. (Lee gets a PowerPhrase kudo too.)
Lee spoke with me about the incident and said, “I wanted to call him back because he was pretty firey with me.” He hadn’t been mean, but he had a determined, probing intensity. I was impressed that Lee took the extra step to call him, knowing how intense his feeling was. There was no blame – just total accountability. They work together well now that things are clear.
An associate of mine makes a good living teaching seminars about “total accountability.” It’s up to us to create covenants of accountability with each other and insist that we all show up for each other as promised. Lee started the conversation like an unaccountable kid trying to slide with excuses and stories. She ended up as a very mature adult. Brad’s firey directness might have sent someone who wasn’t ready to face reality to turn and run. In Lee’s case, the fire achemized her to a higher stance. Impressive for a 19 year old. It took her 30 minutes. It’s taken me 30 years to make that transition.
April 14, 2010PowerPhrase: Your positive qualities have run amuck.
Evan is one of the most gracious communicators I know. One example of this is the way he mentioned to a friend that,
- It’s not flaws or bad qualities that are sabotaging you here. It’s that your positive qualities have run amuck.
He was referring to my friend’s tendency to overgive. His words uplifted her as they focused her attention on where she needed to change in order to move forward toward her goals.
