May 4, 2010Phrases to deal with moody, buzz-killing coworker
Meryl,
How do I address a moody coworker? Some days she’s fine, and other days she stops speaking to every one, is short and whines constantly.
Response
I respond differently based on the individual circumstance.
I’d start by expressing concern. Since she is great some days, you can say,
- You don’t seem like your usual cheerful (contented, good-natured) self today. Is anything wrong?
When my hubby or I are grumpy, we might say,
- Who are you, and what have you done with my loving spouse?
That approach is best if there is a trusting foundation.
She might have a legitimate beef that she doesn’t know how to bring up. In that case, I’d make it easy to talk. Something like,
- Is there something bothering you we need to talk about?
If she complains about something of her own making or something she has the power to change, I’d say,
- Either do something about it or stop complaining.
Or, say what you mean and mean what you say, without being mean when you say it. For me that might be,
- When you get sullen, I want to help but I don’t know what to do, so I get frustrated. And it puts a damper on the whole office. Will you tell me it there’s something I can do?
Ultimately, however, it’s up to us to maintain or own equanimity. Often this is an issue because of a codependence that wants to control the responses of others because we haven’t figured out how to be the creator of our own stories and mood.
1 Comment »
RSS feed for comments on this post.
| TrackBack URI
You can also bookmark
this on del.icio.us or check the cosmos
From the question, it sounds like this may be a rather mild, though annoying, change in the co-worker’s day to day moods, so the responses you supply, Meryl, are great starts to opening a conversation about the issue. I really like just confronting problems like this that are ongoing because it’s true — you are the creator of your own story, but that means not only controlling your own mood and responses, but also quite often addressing the issues of those around us, not to control them, but to help them discover their own power to choose their moods and responses. Too often we enable the behavior by choosing to ignore it or respond negatively.
I think that timing is also very important in these cases; sometimes it’s not just what you say but also when you say it. With a similar situation, I chose to approach my co-worker on a “high” day, knowing that in that particular circumstance it was dangerous to say anything when she was feeling low. (I suspected she had a mood disorder.) The conversation started off with something similar to the above phrases, but since her mood swings were more severe I had to continue the conversation by suggesting the possibility that she should see a counselor. Of course, this conversation can only come about after a genuine expression of concern — starting with a phrase like “I think you need professional help” probably won’t get you too far.
Comment by Grace — May 10, 2010 @ 9:54 am