May 19, 2010Reader questions how to address ungrateful young subordinate
Meryl,
I saved my secretary’s job, get her time off, and generally look out for her, but have yet to receive a thank-you. I find this hard to deal with. I grew up in a generation by parents who expected you to show respect for those in authority positions. How can I deal with her ungraciousness?
Reply,
I’d ask her about it. Not from the platform of authority, but individuals. Don’t pull rank, but do be human. Say something like,
- I was happy to stand up for your job, and am happy to help you in other ways. But I’m curious why you don’t say thank-you. It takes some of the fun out of it for me, and also makes me wonder if you appreciate what I do or not. Do you have an issue with me that keeps you from acknowledging me? Is there something we need to discuss here?
Think of yourselves as being on a team together and this as the kind of discussion team members have.
Does this help? What do you think?
May 18, 2010Friends of Irony illustrate mixed messages in hilarious ways.
Do you ever get mixed messages? You know, things like,
- I love your hair. Do you cut it yourself?
or,
- I care deeply about you. But I don’t have time to listen to your babble.
Or set-up messages like:
- Don’t think about elephants.
“Friends of Irony” illustrate the challenge of mixed messages in hilarious ways. Here’s one for starters.
Check out the rest of the fun here.
This struck me today because I have an associate who sends verbal messages like this visual. Do you know folks who talk like this picture?
May 17, 2010New Communication Dynamics @Smartmemes: SpeakStrong e.g. admins change office power memes while negotiating workload
If you don’t like the story behind what people say and the words they speak, change it. But how do you do that? Well, smartmeme.org is all about how to construct powerful stories to change the way people think. 
What’s a meme? Well, a ‘ meme (rhymes with dream) is a contagious information pattern, an idea that has taken on a life of its own. Memes are self-replicating cultural units such as ideas (“Fair Trade”), rituals (shaking hands), and symbols (the Nike swoosh or the peace sign) that spread virally from person to person.”
Rebecca Soinit says, “memes go to the heart of the problem-how we imagine the world, how language and belief shape possibility, and enlarge those possibilities by reframing and rethinking.”
It’s all about uncovering underlying assumptions, clarifying what we really believe, and presenting the new belief in a compelling way.
For example, at SpeakStrong, we challenge the old style leadership model of authoritarian power.We’re not the first to note how that dynamic is changing, but I continually respond to communication questions in ways that challenge that meme. I root out the underlying rankist philosophy of the questioner or their perceived nemesis, and respond in a way that creates an image of synocratic communication. I demonstrate that by sharing stories where the assistant communicated successfully from the synocratic perspective. For example, many admins believe they don’t have power. I share stories where the hero assumes what he or she wants matters and the manager responds. Here’s one.
Success story: Admin gracertively got manager to cut workload
Here’s an article from a success story a reader shared with me.
Savvy Assistant’s Success Story: An admin workload conversation
We don’t just want to get to the end of the work day with our dignity and our sanity -we want to change outdated memes into ones that are workable.
May 17, 2010Our squirrel finally gave up on the birdfeeder. Hilarious photo.
It was a valiant effort, but it looks like the birds won and the squirrel lost – but not before the squirrel had his fill. We had to hang the feeder above eye-level, which is where I wanted it. But I still get great views of the birds.
Here’s one of the squirrel before we had it high enough.
I have a new respect for squirrels. It took him a long time to figure out how to land on the feeder and he went flying a few times. We could all use such persistence!
He couldn’t climb down the chain – he had to leap from the banister.
The cat likes the view now.
And so do I.
It adds interest to my writing days.
Email This Post
Related posts which may interest you
- This Week in the World ~ Poetry ~ Lessons from a feline love goddess and more.
- This Week in the World ~ Top of the World
- Success Story in Progress#4: when the Paved Road crumbles, other interesting road appear
- This Week in the World Space, stories, babies, bathwater, flow and the feminine
- SpeakStrong: She doesn’t know she gets to have a voice
May 16, 2010PowerPhrase: What are you interested in? Remembering to ask
It amazes me how often this kind of thing happens. I was in the process of designing upcoming webinars to launch when I finish the book I’m working on now, when I received an email from a subscriber inquiring about webinars. I started to respond about what I have coming up. but paused for a moment and asked her,
- What webinars are you interested in?
Her response was very informative. Very much in line with my thinking, but with clear angles.
May 14, 2010“Crazy” ideas fly in networked world. Hair to the rescue on the gulf coast.
Hair absorbs oil. We knew that. But who would have thought of using that hair to soak up oil from the gulf coast oil spill?
A natural fiber recycling organization called Matter of Trust, that’s who!
The New Dynamics of this networked world of our does present opportunities that were never available before.
Hair to the rescue.
“Crazy ideas” aren’t so crazy anymore.
May 13, 2010Kouzes Posner, leaders use the word we 3x as much as the word I.
The authors of Leadership Challenge note that leaders use the word
- We
Three times as much as the word I when they describe their successes.
They say they find the use of the word “we” to be a simple test of whether someone is on the road to becoming a leader.
Email This Post
Related posts which may interest you
- Mulhern survey on how to get promoted revealing and encouraging
- Tips to manage the manager. Interview with @danmulhern Everyday Leaders
- Poison Phrase: have to
- Powered by integrity and authenticity: Some execs prefer the second tier
- New technology requires new PowerPhrases and important conversations require full attention.
May 11, 2010If you’re afraid to rock the boat, remember,
In the right way, of course.
May 11, 2010If there is a perfect way for a wife to address a hubby’s infidelity, this is it. Love Actually PowerPhrase
Emma Thompson and Meryl Streep are my two favorite actresses because they both seem so classy. And their characters generally are too.
My hubby and I watched Love Actually last weekend, and I loved the way Emma’s character Karen addressed her suspicions of infidelity. After finding necklace she had assumed was for her and later discovering it wasn’t, she asked her husband,
- What would you do if you were in my position?
She went on to describe her experience and list her options. If he was in her position, would he wait? Ask about it?
What I love about the approach is that it addresses the crisis as a team. It doesn’t ignore the issue in any way, but it does still assume a partnership. It avoids a stance from the other side of the fence. Emma’s movie husband got the point.
It’s tough enough to address simple issues as allies. When the issue is betrayal or suspected betrayal of a sacred commitment, it’s difficult to even imagine doing that.
But class lets go of reaction in favor of what is most likely to work. In a marriage, when one partner acts outside of the framework of “we,” the other member of the partnership has the challenge – and opportunity – to stand in the center of the circle and reestablish the “we.” That’s true even if the we needs to be redefined – or even defined out of existence. I love finding wisdom in sweet, sappy, silly movies! 
May 10, 2010Mulhern survey on how to get promoted revealing and encouraging
Doing a great job does get rewarded in today’s workplace, according to a recent workplace survey conducted by Author Dan Mulhern.
The top two factors to getting promoted were rated as,
1. Demonstrating results at your current position.
2. Being seen as a person who goes over and above what’s expected.
These qualities outranked credentials and qualifications.
Mulhern concludes, If you want to have a higher-up job, act like you already have it. Don’t meet expectations, surpass them.
Mulhern is an expert in every day leadership. His survey affirms a point I make in the leader development book I am currently writing – if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, people think it probably is a duck. If it walks like a leader and talks like a leader, people think he or she probably is a leader. Leaders go beyond what is expected.
And according to Mulhern’s survey, most people find that the workplace really does reward that effort. Refreshing news!
Email This Post
Related posts which may interest you
- Tips to manage the manager. Interview with @danmulhern Everyday Leaders
- With the daily news network good deeds lead. @geriwc
- Conversational, Evolutionary and Dynamic Leadership are the trends
- Powered by integrity and authenticity: Some execs prefer the second tier
- Kouzes Posner, leaders use the word we 3x as much as the word I.
